M'aimer Pour Qui Je suis
I SAW A RAINBOW. I FOLLOWED IT.
I FOUND MY POT OF GOLD
! THE STORY SO FAR !
In hindsight I now understand why I felt the way that I did when I was very young (about 8 to 10 Years old). But at the time it would never have crossed my mind. Why I should look at girls of my own age and want to be like them? To be pretty and wear the same type clothes as they did. Dresses, skirts and blouses ect. I just wanted to be petit, pink and smell of flowers. To wear pretty sandals and have a slide in my hair. So the fact that I am really a female was showing itself even at that age.
When I was an early teenager I can remember trying on my mothers clothes on days when I was the only one in the house. I don’t know whether my mother ever knew what I was doing?
Now that I am much older I realize that she probably would have guessed that someone had been into her dressing table draws. A woman knows when someone has been moving her clothes. Nothing was ever said. Well certainly not whilst I was in earshot.
I used to get immense pleasure from putting on her clothes, although it was not a sexual thing. I was a late developer were that was concerned. It never crossed my mind to touch myself at the same time as wearing the feminine clothes. I think it was more to do with the softness and girlishness.
This situation continued for some years. The feelings coming and going. Sometimes the feelings were strong. Sometimes the feelings were vague.
When I left home at about age 19 the feelings seemed to completely subside. I think this may have been because I had discovered at last what boys were supposed to be doing with their sexuality. This seemed to be the strong influence at the time. It seemed that the most important thing in my life was to prove my male prowess. I seemed to want to sleep with any and every available female. My thoughts on this subject may have been swayed by the fact that I was a ladies hairdresser. Being a stylist meant that one had the pick of any female company that may have been available at the time. Looking back on this period of, I think that I was trying to also subconsciously prove to myself that I was as normal as the next male and at the same time denying or hiding the real me, the feminine me. I suppose that there are times in our lives when we all hide our true feelings or lie to ourselves about things that we don't want to admit to or don't understand.
During this period I met Lynn who was to eventually become my first wife. I always remember the first time I saw her. It was at a party that was being thrown for a good friend of mine. When I walked into the main room at the centre of the party, the first person I saw was Lynn. She was just standing there doing absolutely nothing. I was looking at the prettiest creature that I had ever set eyes on. It was like a dream. It was also as if I was looking at my own imagination or a reflection of my imagination. I had to get to know her. To learn about her and about her femininity. How did one get to look like that? So soft so gentle. I had to know I had to learn. It turned out that Lynn was courting a friend of mine at this time. This meant that I was able to get to know her without getting involved, or so I thought. It was not long before we were involved with each other in a pretty strong way. I would love to just watch her and listen to her. I was one hundred percent convinced that I was in love with her. She certainly was with me. She made that quite clear from the start. Now of course I realize that it was not her that I was in love with but the whole idea of what she was. Yes at last it had come home to me who I was! What I was! I started to become aware of my feelings about myself. All my thoughts from over the years started to creep back into my now older consciousness and understanding. I was horrified and disgusted with myself. How on earth had I allowed myself to get to this stage? I was a 20 something year old man from a good background and I had a good future. Yet, here I was, not only wanting to wear women’s clothes but gods forbid I wanted to be a woman, or even worse I was a woman. What was wrong with me? In those days [the 1970s] you did not really hear of the expressions Transvestites & Transsexuals, let alone know what they were. I decided that the only thing to do and the most sensible was to get really involved in this relationship. By doing so the whole problem would go away, and all would live happily ever after. If only!
Over time I managed to keep these feeling under control. I was promoted in my employment and moved to the Midlands. My new job was as a salon manager in Dudley. Lynn of course insisted [without any objection from myself] that she would come to the Midlands as well. It would be like a trial marriage. What more could I ask for, a new job, loads of money and a beautiful girl at my side. Life was great. We lived together for a while and then decided to get married. Everything was going well. I should add at this point that Lynn knew nothing of the inner turmoil that I had been going through over the years. It was all under control so why bother to say anything. No doubt as I got older It would eventually just go away.
So we got married.
A big no holes barred wedding in Cardiff. Top hat and tails. A country church. A big reception with both the family’s there. At last everything was normal. I was a normal married man with not a care in the world.
But it couldn’t last could it. After just a couple of years everything just went pear shaped. We did not actually have a lot in common. So we decided to separate and divorce. Lynn moved out almost immediately. She went to stay with a friend in Birmingham and then back to her mothers in Cardiff.
This was the first time in my life that I had a home of my own and lived on my own. At last I was in a position to explore my inner self. All these feelings that I had been having over so many years. They all came pouring out. For the first time I was now able to explore my femininity, my feminine side. The she in me was about to take over. And did it take over.
I must admit even at this time I was still pretty ignorant about Transvestites & Transsexuals. I suppose I thought that I was just strange. Oh sweet ignorance.
I was dating some females at this time. Just doing what males do. But with a secret! A whopping great secret! In the day I was the health young male. When at home alone, the she in me would take over big time. My wardrobe of clothes was quite large and getting bigger. It was so easy to buy clothes from the shopping catalogues. Still every thing was under control.
Then I started courting Judith, who was to become my second wife. I had to be very careful at this time. I had to make sure that all female things were put away safely, as Judith would quite naturally stay at the flat a lot.
The relationship with Judith got ever more serious. In the end we decided to get married. I had had to decide that the secret side of me had to be put away for good. It was not a healthy or natural secret to keep. Everything famine was destroyed or binned. At last I was now going to be like every other male. We had talked about having children. We had planned for the future. At last I was grown up and sensible. That seedy side of me was gone for good. After all what was it? Nothing but male kinkiness! Oh glory. Life was at last was normalised.
Once again church bells chimed.
All went well with the wedding itself. Not as big as the first wedding but certainly adequate.
The problem came rushing back whilst we were on honeymoon. I can always remember, we were unpacking all our clothes and putting them away in the dressing tables ect. I was helping Lynn to unpack. The feel of her clothes in my hands, so soft, so delicate, so feminine. The feelings were starting to come back.
I think that at this time I knew that none of this was going to go away, I was going to have to learn to live with it and keep it under control. I did not know how. I was just going to have to learn, as I want along.
The rest of the honeymoon went without any more instances of these feelings. Again I was starting to think that these strange ideas would just go away.
I should say at this point that all this ebbing and flowing of emotions and feelings is quite a natural thing for a Transsexual or Transgendered person. This I now know! One is constantly fighting to subdue and destroy these feelings. Feelings, which are quite unnatural for the normal male.
Everything went great for quite a while. But! Slowly the feminine side of me once again started to emerge. I was starting to engineer opportunities when I could once again explore the female in me. I would take time off from work without telling Judith. I would go home and dress in some of her clothes. Those that would fit me that is. I can assure you that it was quite funny to see me at these times. These clothes were totally inappropriate for me, as well as being too small. But as they say “Needs Must”. I can remember Judith asking me once if I had been wearing her slippers, as they seemed very large all of a sudden. I always remember also a black knitted dress that she had. I used to think that it looked great on me. I could even steal myself to say it looked better on me than on her. How ridicules can one get.
As you may have guessed the demon had returned. There were also problems between Judith and myself and the importance of her family. Namely her family were more important than her husband. To cut a long story short the marriage came to an obvious end.
This started the obvious cycle of gender thoughts off once more. The one difference this time was that I had willingly made my mind up that it was here to stay. (All be it in a clandestine manner.) I now started to once more fill my wardrobe with the type of attire of my chosen gender. I was now fully happy with my situation. I have totally accepted it and am embracing it. I start to explore the possibility of venturing outside of the safe home environment. (Remembering that still no one else is aware of this situation). I eventually pluck up the courage to venture out at the dead of night. Taking great care to keep my back to the windows in the flats where I lived so that no one could see my face. I try to walk to my car without rushing, not wanting to draw attention to myself. At last after what seems forever, the car is reached. Get in and close the door as quietly as possible. Key goes in the ignition and the engine starts. It sounds as if there is a tank in the street. I have never heard my engine sound so loud. Of course it is all in the mind. It’s just that I am so nervous and self-conscious, everything sounds and feels out of proportion. I think that I can even hear my heart beating. I am sure that I am going to wake up the whole neighbourhood. Pull the car away from the curb. A thought crosses my mind what if when I get back there is no parking space near to my flat. Panic sets in. Heart beats louder. I can feel the blood coursing through my head. What the hell are you doing this for. Why are you putting yourself through this? Just go back home. You don’t need to be out here. But you need to get out and explore. You can’t stay indoors all your life. You have consciously made the decision to pursue this way of life. Take the first step. You can do it. You will do it. I come to the end of my road which way to turn. You have not even thought about where you are going to go. I make up my mind that I will drive to a row of shops not far away. Park the car and walk around the block. Except for one road (Newton Road) they are all quiet residential streets. There will be no roads to cross. There I told you it would be all right. I start to walk along the fronts of the shops, turn left into a quiet little street, glancing behind me to see if there are any cars coming. I try not to walk to fast. At last I start to feel a little more confident. Turn left again at the end of the street. These are all posh houses, so no one will be awake at this time of night (All posh people go to bed at 9pm. If you did not already know that.) Hold head up stop slouching. Try and walk like a female. Keep your legs together. Take small steps. Bloody hell! How do women remember to do all these things at the same time? Turn left again at the end of the street. I am now in Newton Road. (The most brilliantly lit duel carriageway in the whole of the West Midlands. Yes and you have guessed it. At 3am in the morning it’s like rush hour outside New Street Station. You’ve gone to far now there’s no turning back. Legs together, short steps, tits out, shoulders back and head up. On second thoughts head down. I walk for about 100 yards towards the Scott Arms lights. All is going well. In fact better than expected. I am starting to calm down. Oh no a car has slowed down. Some bloke says something out of the window. Don’t know what he said. Panic!!! What do I do now? Up ahead is a driveway. Turn into it as if you live there. Security light comes on in the driveway. Car toots his horn and drives away. Got to get back to my car. It is only a little walk no w. Up to the lights and around the corner. Made it!! Lock the doors. Calm down. At this point I am shaking like a leaf. I manage to get the car going and drive slowly home. The last thing I need now is to be stopped by the police. I get back home and my parking space is still there. The walk from the car to the flat takes forever. I get home in one piece, all be it a mental wreck. Get a drink (A large one). What an experience! Absolutely fantastic. Don’t know whether I would be able to do it again though.
I was living on cloud nine for weeks after that episode. I knew that it was going to happen again and again. It was just a matter of summoning up the courage.
That is how my life developed and moved along for some years. Always being very secretive and exceptionally careful.
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Over the following years my mother moved to the midlands and I moved from my flat to a house with my mother! Everything was carrying on as normal. I would dress en’femme and venture out on the odd occasion.
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On 29th March 2001 I collapsed at work. It was first thing in the morning, before the shop had opened. An ambulance was called and I was taken in to Russells Hall hospital. I felt that I was having a heart attack. The pains were terrible. They did a lot of tests and x.rays ect on me. I was admitted to the hospital to await the results.
I can quite honestly say that I was scared to bits. I was not like my life was passing in front of me or the like! But I must say it makes you revaluate your existence on this planet. (If that’s not being to over dramatic). It made me think how short life really is. It makes you consider what is and what is not important. It makes you accept once and for all what you really are! You realise how little time you have to potentially achieve what you really are! My mood at the time was a mixture of sadness and happiness. Sadness for all the missed years of denying my true self. Of hiding away and concealing the real me. (This was not sadness for my life living as a man, as I have had a good life. But sadness for what could have been, for what was always inside me.) I am not angry or annoyed at the past as it was meant to happen this way. But I am envious at what could have been, if I had been true to myself years ago when I first realised what my problem was. At the same time I am happy that at last I have come to terms with it. That night in hospital I totally revaluated my life and made plans that I did not think were possible. I don’t think that I slept all night long.
The plan was that if I got through this I would once and for all find out about my condition. I would research the whole ‘Transgender’ subject. I would do this so that I could come to an informed decision about what I could do with the rest of my life. Was I to have ‘Gender Reassignment Surgery’ or not. Was there an in between way. To live as a female without surgery. There was a lot of research to be done. With my angina would it even be possible to have surgery at all. How would my heart be affected by taking female hormones? So much to find out!!
BUT
This was the first day of the rest of my life.
So if you don’t mind I would like to introduce you to Rebecca.
The next day when the doctor came to do his rounds, he told me that I had not had a heart attack, but I was suffering acute angina. It was like I had been given a second chance. A chance to follow through, on the decisions that I had made the night before. They kept me in hospital for a day or two, to monitor my heart. I would now be on a heart drug routine for the rest of my life.
Within days of me getting back home I started to search the Internet for information on ‘Gender Dysphoria’. I was amazed at how much information could be gleaned off the webb. I was also surprised at how many help groups there were for people in this situation. I thought that it would be a good idea to join one of these groups so that I could talk to like-minded people. The main group in Birmingham at the time was called “Outskirts”. They met every other Monday at a pup in town called “Missing”. A rather seedy joint on Hurst St. In the Chinese quarter. They used the upstairs room that was a restaurant the rest of the week. There were some really nice people there. It was such a relief to be able to talk to others that were experiencing the same feelings as myself. Although the majority of them were transvestites as apposed to transsexuals.
I will always remember walking into the place for the first time. Not knowing what to expect. Only to be greeted by about twenty or so people like me. All with similar problems. What a relief.
Over some months of attending this group I was able to fine out about another group in Blackheath called “St Michaels Support Group”. This was run by Michael (Mike) and his wife Rita. Two of the loveliest people you could hope to meet. There lives seemed to revolve around helping TV’s & TS’s. They were open most of the week but the main night was a Saturday night. They had converted there basement in to a bar and lounge. Small but very adequate. It was a bit like a private club, except that you could get all the advice and information that you could possibly need. Michael was certainly a lifeline.
During the next year or two with the help and support of the people around me I was finally able to put my head in order.
There was also an exceptionally good social life, which could involve nights out in B’ham and other venues. Sunday night was always a must. We would all meet at ‘Cobs’ (This was a private club come bar in Sherlock Street). Events like this gave you the opportunity to spread your wings in public. Also of course it allowed you to build up your confidence in your chosen gender role. On top of this there were also opportunities to go away on long weekend holidays. One in particular was called the ‘Tinsel and Glitter’ event at Blackpool. This was held twice a year (March & November). It was a gathering of TV’s & TS’s with their friends and families. We would travel up on the Thursday and return home on the Sunday. The first time that I went, I was with three friends of the same persuasion. I was very nervous, as I had decided that I would take this opportunity to live as a female for the whole of the weekend. Consequently I took no Male clothes with me at all. This was the first time that I had been dressed in female attire for more than one night’s duration. For me it was a very moving experience. So much so that when it was time to come home I really did not want to leave and revert back to my male life. This was a very important milestone in my life as it was another indication that I was doing the right thing.
On a subsequent visit to Blackpool (I think it may have been the following November) I entered and won the ‘Miss Tinsel & Glitter’ beauty competition. That was an amazing experience. If you can imagine the feelings and euphoria that a natural born female would have after winning a beauty competition. Well transfer those feelings to a male that has made extreme efforts to look female and multiply them by 100. That’s how I felt. Just one more indication that I was doing the right thing with my life. And if I may be so bold. Successfully!!
By this time I made up my mind that the time was now right to start treatment that would eventually end in GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery).
In January 2004 I phoned and made my first appointment to see a consultant that was experienced in transgender matters. Dr Russell Reid at the ‘London Institute’, which is situated in Earls court London. Russell is eminently qualified in this field, he is also very well known in the transgender community. My visit to Russell was scheduled for 1st March 2004.
I drove to London with Chris. My appointment was 2pm. Got there in plenty of time. I was surprised at the fact that I was not nervous. I think that it was due to the fact that 1. I was very confidant and 2. I knew that I was doing the right thing. The appointment went as I expected it to. He went through all my history including medical and family. I explained to him that I knew I was doing the right thing and I had waited so long for this moment in my life, that as far as I was concerned it was only matter of jumping through the hoops that the establishment put there for anyone in my predicament to jump through. We agreed that there were certain criteria that I had to satisfy, mainly in the time scale of my transition. But as I had already decided that I was not going to rush any of this, then it would not be a problem. I was scheduled to start on the hormones (HRT) in the near future. That first visit to see Russell was about 90 minutes. Subsequent appointments would only be 1hour.
When we came out of the surgery I was walking on cloud nine. I had taken the first official step.
! The journey had started !
The first major hurdle was going to be my work situation. How would my clients (I am a ladies hairdresser) react to this dramatic change that their hairdresser was about to make to his life! I came to the conclusion that it would be best if I could convince them that obviously I was doing the right thing but also that I was not going to look like a fella in a dress, that I would not embarrass them. After a great deal of thought I came to the conclusion that if I was going to transition successfully, I would have to put everyone else’s feelings and well-being before my own. It was important that for me to remember that it was me that wanted to be accepted as a female by the rest of the world. It therefore follows that I had to make the entire running and make myself the most acceptable looking and behaving female. There were no two ways about it. It was me that wanted to walk on their side of the street not visa versa. I think that this was going to be the most difficult part of my transition. I thought that I would start to tell my clients about six weeks before I started to come to work dressed as a female My first preparation in this matter was to compile a small photo album containing pictures of myself. Hopefully this would show that I was not going to like a clown. I was quite surprised at how many times clients would say, “well which one is you”.
I estimated that I would lose about fifty percent of my clientele (three years down the line I was not far wrong). Most people said that it would make no difference to their attitude towards me, saying that, as I was a good hairdresser they would put that first. But I am afraid that people’s prejudices rise to the surface at time like this. Quite often folks would pay lip service in a favourable fashion, then not turn up again. I have always been a realist, and although we live a more open and tolerant society than ever before, it is a very NIMBY society. (Not in my back yard). A lot of people do not like the idea of being confronted by a harmless Transsexual. That is the way of the world and you just have to accept it and get on with the rest of your life and hopefully you will not carry any chips on your shoulder as that only makes you bitter.
Having said all that I had quite a few surprises. In your own mind you tend to segregate people into two groups. Those that will accept you and those that will not. I wrongly assumed that those that had been clients of mine for perhaps 30 or more years would be my most loyal. How wrong you can be. Likewise the older client that you think will have trouble accepting something so dramatic have been little angels and some of my biggest supporters. Some of my clients are actually exited for me. It amazed me how many people were extremely interested in the pros and cons of this situation. Generally, most people are very kind and want to help.
In hindsight I now understand why I felt the way that I did when I was very young (about 8 to 10 Years old). But at the time it would never have crossed my mind. Why I should look at girls of my own age and want to be like them? To be pretty and wear the same type clothes as they did. Dresses, skirts and blouses ect. I just wanted to be petit, pink and smell of flowers. To wear pretty sandals and have a slide in my hair. So the fact that I am really a female was showing itself even at that age.
When I was an early teenager I can remember trying on my mothers clothes on days when I was the only one in the house. I don’t know whether my mother ever knew what I was doing?
Now that I am much older I realize that she probably would have guessed that someone had been into her dressing table draws. A woman knows when someone has been moving her clothes. Nothing was ever said. Well certainly not whilst I was in earshot.
I used to get immense pleasure from putting on her clothes, although it was not a sexual thing. I was a late developer were that was concerned. It never crossed my mind to touch myself at the same time as wearing the feminine clothes. I think it was more to do with the softness and girlishness.
This situation continued for some years. The feelings coming and going. Sometimes the feelings were strong. Sometimes the feelings were vague.
When I left home at about age 19 the feelings seemed to completely subside. I think this may have been because I had discovered at last what boys were supposed to be doing with their sexuality. This seemed to be the strong influence at the time. It seemed that the most important thing in my life was to prove my male prowess. I seemed to want to sleep with any and every available female. My thoughts on this subject may have been swayed by the fact that I was a ladies hairdresser. Being a stylist meant that one had the pick of any female company that may have been available at the time. Looking back on this period of, I think that I was trying to also subconsciously prove to myself that I was as normal as the next male and at the same time denying or hiding the real me, the feminine me. I suppose that there are times in our lives when we all hide our true feelings or lie to ourselves about things that we don't want to admit to or don't understand.
During this period I met Lynn who was to eventually become my first wife. I always remember the first time I saw her. It was at a party that was being thrown for a good friend of mine. When I walked into the main room at the centre of the party, the first person I saw was Lynn. She was just standing there doing absolutely nothing. I was looking at the prettiest creature that I had ever set eyes on. It was like a dream. It was also as if I was looking at my own imagination or a reflection of my imagination. I had to get to know her. To learn about her and about her femininity. How did one get to look like that? So soft so gentle. I had to know I had to learn. It turned out that Lynn was courting a friend of mine at this time. This meant that I was able to get to know her without getting involved, or so I thought. It was not long before we were involved with each other in a pretty strong way. I would love to just watch her and listen to her. I was one hundred percent convinced that I was in love with her. She certainly was with me. She made that quite clear from the start. Now of course I realize that it was not her that I was in love with but the whole idea of what she was. Yes at last it had come home to me who I was! What I was! I started to become aware of my feelings about myself. All my thoughts from over the years started to creep back into my now older consciousness and understanding. I was horrified and disgusted with myself. How on earth had I allowed myself to get to this stage? I was a 20 something year old man from a good background and I had a good future. Yet, here I was, not only wanting to wear women’s clothes but gods forbid I wanted to be a woman, or even worse I was a woman. What was wrong with me? In those days [the 1970s] you did not really hear of the expressions Transvestites & Transsexuals, let alone know what they were. I decided that the only thing to do and the most sensible was to get really involved in this relationship. By doing so the whole problem would go away, and all would live happily ever after. If only!
Over time I managed to keep these feeling under control. I was promoted in my employment and moved to the Midlands. My new job was as a salon manager in Dudley. Lynn of course insisted [without any objection from myself] that she would come to the Midlands as well. It would be like a trial marriage. What more could I ask for, a new job, loads of money and a beautiful girl at my side. Life was great. We lived together for a while and then decided to get married. Everything was going well. I should add at this point that Lynn knew nothing of the inner turmoil that I had been going through over the years. It was all under control so why bother to say anything. No doubt as I got older It would eventually just go away.
So we got married.
A big no holes barred wedding in Cardiff. Top hat and tails. A country church. A big reception with both the family’s there. At last everything was normal. I was a normal married man with not a care in the world.
But it couldn’t last could it. After just a couple of years everything just went pear shaped. We did not actually have a lot in common. So we decided to separate and divorce. Lynn moved out almost immediately. She went to stay with a friend in Birmingham and then back to her mothers in Cardiff.
This was the first time in my life that I had a home of my own and lived on my own. At last I was in a position to explore my inner self. All these feelings that I had been having over so many years. They all came pouring out. For the first time I was now able to explore my femininity, my feminine side. The she in me was about to take over. And did it take over.
I must admit even at this time I was still pretty ignorant about Transvestites & Transsexuals. I suppose I thought that I was just strange. Oh sweet ignorance.
I was dating some females at this time. Just doing what males do. But with a secret! A whopping great secret! In the day I was the health young male. When at home alone, the she in me would take over big time. My wardrobe of clothes was quite large and getting bigger. It was so easy to buy clothes from the shopping catalogues. Still every thing was under control.
Then I started courting Judith, who was to become my second wife. I had to be very careful at this time. I had to make sure that all female things were put away safely, as Judith would quite naturally stay at the flat a lot.
The relationship with Judith got ever more serious. In the end we decided to get married. I had had to decide that the secret side of me had to be put away for good. It was not a healthy or natural secret to keep. Everything famine was destroyed or binned. At last I was now going to be like every other male. We had talked about having children. We had planned for the future. At last I was grown up and sensible. That seedy side of me was gone for good. After all what was it? Nothing but male kinkiness! Oh glory. Life was at last was normalised.
Once again church bells chimed.
All went well with the wedding itself. Not as big as the first wedding but certainly adequate.
The problem came rushing back whilst we were on honeymoon. I can always remember, we were unpacking all our clothes and putting them away in the dressing tables ect. I was helping Lynn to unpack. The feel of her clothes in my hands, so soft, so delicate, so feminine. The feelings were starting to come back.
I think that at this time I knew that none of this was going to go away, I was going to have to learn to live with it and keep it under control. I did not know how. I was just going to have to learn, as I want along.
The rest of the honeymoon went without any more instances of these feelings. Again I was starting to think that these strange ideas would just go away.
I should say at this point that all this ebbing and flowing of emotions and feelings is quite a natural thing for a Transsexual or Transgendered person. This I now know! One is constantly fighting to subdue and destroy these feelings. Feelings, which are quite unnatural for the normal male.
Everything went great for quite a while. But! Slowly the feminine side of me once again started to emerge. I was starting to engineer opportunities when I could once again explore the female in me. I would take time off from work without telling Judith. I would go home and dress in some of her clothes. Those that would fit me that is. I can assure you that it was quite funny to see me at these times. These clothes were totally inappropriate for me, as well as being too small. But as they say “Needs Must”. I can remember Judith asking me once if I had been wearing her slippers, as they seemed very large all of a sudden. I always remember also a black knitted dress that she had. I used to think that it looked great on me. I could even steal myself to say it looked better on me than on her. How ridicules can one get.
As you may have guessed the demon had returned. There were also problems between Judith and myself and the importance of her family. Namely her family were more important than her husband. To cut a long story short the marriage came to an obvious end.
This started the obvious cycle of gender thoughts off once more. The one difference this time was that I had willingly made my mind up that it was here to stay. (All be it in a clandestine manner.) I now started to once more fill my wardrobe with the type of attire of my chosen gender. I was now fully happy with my situation. I have totally accepted it and am embracing it. I start to explore the possibility of venturing outside of the safe home environment. (Remembering that still no one else is aware of this situation). I eventually pluck up the courage to venture out at the dead of night. Taking great care to keep my back to the windows in the flats where I lived so that no one could see my face. I try to walk to my car without rushing, not wanting to draw attention to myself. At last after what seems forever, the car is reached. Get in and close the door as quietly as possible. Key goes in the ignition and the engine starts. It sounds as if there is a tank in the street. I have never heard my engine sound so loud. Of course it is all in the mind. It’s just that I am so nervous and self-conscious, everything sounds and feels out of proportion. I think that I can even hear my heart beating. I am sure that I am going to wake up the whole neighbourhood. Pull the car away from the curb. A thought crosses my mind what if when I get back there is no parking space near to my flat. Panic sets in. Heart beats louder. I can feel the blood coursing through my head. What the hell are you doing this for. Why are you putting yourself through this? Just go back home. You don’t need to be out here. But you need to get out and explore. You can’t stay indoors all your life. You have consciously made the decision to pursue this way of life. Take the first step. You can do it. You will do it. I come to the end of my road which way to turn. You have not even thought about where you are going to go. I make up my mind that I will drive to a row of shops not far away. Park the car and walk around the block. Except for one road (Newton Road) they are all quiet residential streets. There will be no roads to cross. There I told you it would be all right. I start to walk along the fronts of the shops, turn left into a quiet little street, glancing behind me to see if there are any cars coming. I try not to walk to fast. At last I start to feel a little more confident. Turn left again at the end of the street. These are all posh houses, so no one will be awake at this time of night (All posh people go to bed at 9pm. If you did not already know that.) Hold head up stop slouching. Try and walk like a female. Keep your legs together. Take small steps. Bloody hell! How do women remember to do all these things at the same time? Turn left again at the end of the street. I am now in Newton Road. (The most brilliantly lit duel carriageway in the whole of the West Midlands. Yes and you have guessed it. At 3am in the morning it’s like rush hour outside New Street Station. You’ve gone to far now there’s no turning back. Legs together, short steps, tits out, shoulders back and head up. On second thoughts head down. I walk for about 100 yards towards the Scott Arms lights. All is going well. In fact better than expected. I am starting to calm down. Oh no a car has slowed down. Some bloke says something out of the window. Don’t know what he said. Panic!!! What do I do now? Up ahead is a driveway. Turn into it as if you live there. Security light comes on in the driveway. Car toots his horn and drives away. Got to get back to my car. It is only a little walk no w. Up to the lights and around the corner. Made it!! Lock the doors. Calm down. At this point I am shaking like a leaf. I manage to get the car going and drive slowly home. The last thing I need now is to be stopped by the police. I get back home and my parking space is still there. The walk from the car to the flat takes forever. I get home in one piece, all be it a mental wreck. Get a drink (A large one). What an experience! Absolutely fantastic. Don’t know whether I would be able to do it again though.
I was living on cloud nine for weeks after that episode. I knew that it was going to happen again and again. It was just a matter of summoning up the courage.
That is how my life developed and moved along for some years. Always being very secretive and exceptionally careful.
<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
Over the following years my mother moved to the midlands and I moved from my flat to a house with my mother! Everything was carrying on as normal. I would dress en’femme and venture out on the odd occasion.
<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
On 29th March 2001 I collapsed at work. It was first thing in the morning, before the shop had opened. An ambulance was called and I was taken in to Russells Hall hospital. I felt that I was having a heart attack. The pains were terrible. They did a lot of tests and x.rays ect on me. I was admitted to the hospital to await the results.
I can quite honestly say that I was scared to bits. I was not like my life was passing in front of me or the like! But I must say it makes you revaluate your existence on this planet. (If that’s not being to over dramatic). It made me think how short life really is. It makes you consider what is and what is not important. It makes you accept once and for all what you really are! You realise how little time you have to potentially achieve what you really are! My mood at the time was a mixture of sadness and happiness. Sadness for all the missed years of denying my true self. Of hiding away and concealing the real me. (This was not sadness for my life living as a man, as I have had a good life. But sadness for what could have been, for what was always inside me.) I am not angry or annoyed at the past as it was meant to happen this way. But I am envious at what could have been, if I had been true to myself years ago when I first realised what my problem was. At the same time I am happy that at last I have come to terms with it. That night in hospital I totally revaluated my life and made plans that I did not think were possible. I don’t think that I slept all night long.
The plan was that if I got through this I would once and for all find out about my condition. I would research the whole ‘Transgender’ subject. I would do this so that I could come to an informed decision about what I could do with the rest of my life. Was I to have ‘Gender Reassignment Surgery’ or not. Was there an in between way. To live as a female without surgery. There was a lot of research to be done. With my angina would it even be possible to have surgery at all. How would my heart be affected by taking female hormones? So much to find out!!
BUT
This was the first day of the rest of my life.
So if you don’t mind I would like to introduce you to Rebecca.
The next day when the doctor came to do his rounds, he told me that I had not had a heart attack, but I was suffering acute angina. It was like I had been given a second chance. A chance to follow through, on the decisions that I had made the night before. They kept me in hospital for a day or two, to monitor my heart. I would now be on a heart drug routine for the rest of my life.
Within days of me getting back home I started to search the Internet for information on ‘Gender Dysphoria’. I was amazed at how much information could be gleaned off the webb. I was also surprised at how many help groups there were for people in this situation. I thought that it would be a good idea to join one of these groups so that I could talk to like-minded people. The main group in Birmingham at the time was called “Outskirts”. They met every other Monday at a pup in town called “Missing”. A rather seedy joint on Hurst St. In the Chinese quarter. They used the upstairs room that was a restaurant the rest of the week. There were some really nice people there. It was such a relief to be able to talk to others that were experiencing the same feelings as myself. Although the majority of them were transvestites as apposed to transsexuals.
I will always remember walking into the place for the first time. Not knowing what to expect. Only to be greeted by about twenty or so people like me. All with similar problems. What a relief.
Over some months of attending this group I was able to fine out about another group in Blackheath called “St Michaels Support Group”. This was run by Michael (Mike) and his wife Rita. Two of the loveliest people you could hope to meet. There lives seemed to revolve around helping TV’s & TS’s. They were open most of the week but the main night was a Saturday night. They had converted there basement in to a bar and lounge. Small but very adequate. It was a bit like a private club, except that you could get all the advice and information that you could possibly need. Michael was certainly a lifeline.
During the next year or two with the help and support of the people around me I was finally able to put my head in order.
There was also an exceptionally good social life, which could involve nights out in B’ham and other venues. Sunday night was always a must. We would all meet at ‘Cobs’ (This was a private club come bar in Sherlock Street). Events like this gave you the opportunity to spread your wings in public. Also of course it allowed you to build up your confidence in your chosen gender role. On top of this there were also opportunities to go away on long weekend holidays. One in particular was called the ‘Tinsel and Glitter’ event at Blackpool. This was held twice a year (March & November). It was a gathering of TV’s & TS’s with their friends and families. We would travel up on the Thursday and return home on the Sunday. The first time that I went, I was with three friends of the same persuasion. I was very nervous, as I had decided that I would take this opportunity to live as a female for the whole of the weekend. Consequently I took no Male clothes with me at all. This was the first time that I had been dressed in female attire for more than one night’s duration. For me it was a very moving experience. So much so that when it was time to come home I really did not want to leave and revert back to my male life. This was a very important milestone in my life as it was another indication that I was doing the right thing.
On a subsequent visit to Blackpool (I think it may have been the following November) I entered and won the ‘Miss Tinsel & Glitter’ beauty competition. That was an amazing experience. If you can imagine the feelings and euphoria that a natural born female would have after winning a beauty competition. Well transfer those feelings to a male that has made extreme efforts to look female and multiply them by 100. That’s how I felt. Just one more indication that I was doing the right thing with my life. And if I may be so bold. Successfully!!
By this time I made up my mind that the time was now right to start treatment that would eventually end in GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery).
In January 2004 I phoned and made my first appointment to see a consultant that was experienced in transgender matters. Dr Russell Reid at the ‘London Institute’, which is situated in Earls court London. Russell is eminently qualified in this field, he is also very well known in the transgender community. My visit to Russell was scheduled for 1st March 2004.
I drove to London with Chris. My appointment was 2pm. Got there in plenty of time. I was surprised at the fact that I was not nervous. I think that it was due to the fact that 1. I was very confidant and 2. I knew that I was doing the right thing. The appointment went as I expected it to. He went through all my history including medical and family. I explained to him that I knew I was doing the right thing and I had waited so long for this moment in my life, that as far as I was concerned it was only matter of jumping through the hoops that the establishment put there for anyone in my predicament to jump through. We agreed that there were certain criteria that I had to satisfy, mainly in the time scale of my transition. But as I had already decided that I was not going to rush any of this, then it would not be a problem. I was scheduled to start on the hormones (HRT) in the near future. That first visit to see Russell was about 90 minutes. Subsequent appointments would only be 1hour.
When we came out of the surgery I was walking on cloud nine. I had taken the first official step.
! The journey had started !
The first major hurdle was going to be my work situation. How would my clients (I am a ladies hairdresser) react to this dramatic change that their hairdresser was about to make to his life! I came to the conclusion that it would be best if I could convince them that obviously I was doing the right thing but also that I was not going to look like a fella in a dress, that I would not embarrass them. After a great deal of thought I came to the conclusion that if I was going to transition successfully, I would have to put everyone else’s feelings and well-being before my own. It was important that for me to remember that it was me that wanted to be accepted as a female by the rest of the world. It therefore follows that I had to make the entire running and make myself the most acceptable looking and behaving female. There were no two ways about it. It was me that wanted to walk on their side of the street not visa versa. I think that this was going to be the most difficult part of my transition. I thought that I would start to tell my clients about six weeks before I started to come to work dressed as a female My first preparation in this matter was to compile a small photo album containing pictures of myself. Hopefully this would show that I was not going to like a clown. I was quite surprised at how many times clients would say, “well which one is you”.
I estimated that I would lose about fifty percent of my clientele (three years down the line I was not far wrong). Most people said that it would make no difference to their attitude towards me, saying that, as I was a good hairdresser they would put that first. But I am afraid that people’s prejudices rise to the surface at time like this. Quite often folks would pay lip service in a favourable fashion, then not turn up again. I have always been a realist, and although we live a more open and tolerant society than ever before, it is a very NIMBY society. (Not in my back yard). A lot of people do not like the idea of being confronted by a harmless Transsexual. That is the way of the world and you just have to accept it and get on with the rest of your life and hopefully you will not carry any chips on your shoulder as that only makes you bitter.
Having said all that I had quite a few surprises. In your own mind you tend to segregate people into two groups. Those that will accept you and those that will not. I wrongly assumed that those that had been clients of mine for perhaps 30 or more years would be my most loyal. How wrong you can be. Likewise the older client that you think will have trouble accepting something so dramatic have been little angels and some of my biggest supporters. Some of my clients are actually exited for me. It amazed me how many people were extremely interested in the pros and cons of this situation. Generally, most people are very kind and want to help.
Looking and being accepted as a female does have if occasional funny moments though. I remember on one occasion I was in a shop in Birmingham City Centre. I had selected an item of clothing that I wanted at that time. I was queuing up to pay at the cash till. In front of me stood an older mother and her teenage daughter also waiting to pay. The mother was talking to her daughter and glancing around the shop at the same time [as one does]. Eventually her eyes settled on me at about four feet away. She turned away and I could see that her brain had gone into overdrive, trying to clarify what her eyes thought they had just seen. [This was a day when I quite obviously was not looking very feminine]. She glances back at me once more and decides that all is not as it perhaps should be. She turns to her daughter and in a voice that could have been a bit more discreet, “have you seem what is stood behind us? I think that it is disgusting, a man dressing up as a woman and looking like that” And this from a woman that looked like she had not paid her cosmetic surgeons bill. I just said to her [in my best masculine voice] “My dear if you are an example of what a woman is supposed to look like then I’m afraid that I win hands down over you” Her daughter went in to fits of laughter and said “mother you deserved that” and the mother walked out of the shop to wait outside. Well I mean would you believe it.
Thursday 15th April 2004
Well the big day is eventually here. I have been closed for the Easter break. My first day at work as Rebecca/Becky.
This is an extract from my diary for my first week.
· Thursday 15th April 2004 Started Dressing Full Time. That is at work as well. A bit nerve racking at first, but soon got into my pace. Natalie was very good. She handled herself well.
· Monday 19th April Phoned the solicitors to find out where my Deed Poll letters were. They knew why I was phoning without me having to ask. They said that she had dictated the letter to her secretary but she was away ill so it had not yet gone out. I felt that this was an excuse. She should have got someone else to type the letter.
· Tuesday 20th April. Continue to dress full time. I feel more confident now. Shopping at Tesco’s is not to bad. I don’t think that they can quite make out what is going on. They are all very quiet. Give them a few days/weeks and they will be all right I think.
· Wed 21st April. Booked my car in for a service and MOT at the Vauxhall main dealer. When I got home I had to phone and change the date from the Wed to the Thurs. The man who spoke to me called me Mr Pearce. They obviously had my Reg number on their computer and it came up with Mr Pearce. Can’t be helped.
· Wed 21st April When I got home someone phoned from Wordsley Hospital to arrange the dates for Action Heart. She was most pleasant. I would have thought that she has been informed that I am a Transsexual. She said that when I turn up on Monday I must go straight in. I need not wait out side with everyone else. If anyone says anything just say it is my first time and I was told to go straight through. So far so good!!!
Sat 24th April. First full week went well. Did not feel that I wanted to go out on Saturday night, I think that I have done enough dressing in the day. Received my ‘Deed Poll’ letter today at last. Also received a letter of Dr Mustfa. She said that ‘Oestrogel’ was not licensed and that that was why they would not prescribe it. So my argument is that they can prescribe the other drug ‘PROGYNOVA’. She also mentioned that my heart condition is a secondary issue, she is still waiting for a reply off Dr Barr my cardiologist.
Here Endeth The First Week
Thursday 15th April 2004
Well the big day is eventually here. I have been closed for the Easter break. My first day at work as Rebecca/Becky.
This is an extract from my diary for my first week.
· Thursday 15th April 2004 Started Dressing Full Time. That is at work as well. A bit nerve racking at first, but soon got into my pace. Natalie was very good. She handled herself well.
· Monday 19th April Phoned the solicitors to find out where my Deed Poll letters were. They knew why I was phoning without me having to ask. They said that she had dictated the letter to her secretary but she was away ill so it had not yet gone out. I felt that this was an excuse. She should have got someone else to type the letter.
· Tuesday 20th April. Continue to dress full time. I feel more confident now. Shopping at Tesco’s is not to bad. I don’t think that they can quite make out what is going on. They are all very quiet. Give them a few days/weeks and they will be all right I think.
· Wed 21st April. Booked my car in for a service and MOT at the Vauxhall main dealer. When I got home I had to phone and change the date from the Wed to the Thurs. The man who spoke to me called me Mr Pearce. They obviously had my Reg number on their computer and it came up with Mr Pearce. Can’t be helped.
· Wed 21st April When I got home someone phoned from Wordsley Hospital to arrange the dates for Action Heart. She was most pleasant. I would have thought that she has been informed that I am a Transsexual. She said that when I turn up on Monday I must go straight in. I need not wait out side with everyone else. If anyone says anything just say it is my first time and I was told to go straight through. So far so good!!!
Sat 24th April. First full week went well. Did not feel that I wanted to go out on Saturday night, I think that I have done enough dressing in the day. Received my ‘Deed Poll’ letter today at last. Also received a letter of Dr Mustfa. She said that ‘Oestrogel’ was not licensed and that that was why they would not prescribe it. So my argument is that they can prescribe the other drug ‘PROGYNOVA’. She also mentioned that my heart condition is a secondary issue, she is still waiting for a reply off Dr Barr my cardiologist.
Here Endeth The First Week
· Monday 26th April Went to my first action heart. All went well. No seemed to take any notice of me. Don’t know whether that is because they are too polite or they just don’t realise.
· Sun 2nd May Told mother that I had changed my name to Rebecca Lynn. She did not say anything. I don’t think that I really expected her to say anything.
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· Mon 17th May 2004. Had my face done at Sally’s? This was my first of two free treatments. I have been having ‘Epilight’ treatment for my facial hair over the last 12 months aprox (started in March 2003). After so many treatments you receive two free treatments. It is a very successful hair removal treatment (similar to laser, but less intrusive.) I have also had a couple of successful treatments on my back amongst other places. Sally who is the technician at the “New Life Clinic” in Walsall is one of the nicest people that I have met during my transition, as are her two receptionists, Kate & Lorraine. They all seem to be taking a personal interest in my progress. Except for the pain factor, (Sally says that she enjoys inflicting pain. I think that she likes to be called Miss Whiplash.) It is a pleasure to go to my appointments.
· Tues 22nd June. Went to Russells Hall Hospital to see Dr Barr. Dr Mustfa had written to him to seek advice (from a heart point of view) on the HRT medication that I was taking. Dr Barr was quite happy with my progress. He had no problem with me taking the HRT medication, although he did tell me to watch out for deep vain thrombosis & breast cancer, although he was not to concerned about either of these points. He also said that I must have an annual blood test for Lipids ect. Everything went very well as far as I was concerned. He said that he would write to Dr Mustfa & Dr Reid to inform them of his opinion, he said that he would also send me a copy of the letter. I should now think that Dr Mustfa i.e. the Church Lane Medical Practice will at last agree to prescribe the HRT medication.
· Fri 2.nd July. Received a letter off Dr Barr. (Copy of which he was sending to Dr Mustfa & Dr Reid).
· He say’s that he is quite happy with my heart condition and quote “There are no contraindications to hormone therapy with a view to gender reassignment (nor will there be a contraindication to gender reassignment surgery if and when this is necessary
· Tues 20th July. Appointment with Dr Mustfa. Although she has had the letter off Dr Barr she has not heard anything off Charring Cross Hospital. She said that she would chase it up. That remains to be seen. She did not seem as enthusiastic as before. I should imagine that she has lost interest now that she is leaving the practice.
· Mon 2nd Aug. Appointment with Mr Keith Evens (Accountant) To go through the accounts. Time to tell him that I have changed my name to Rebecca Lynn Pearce. He seemed to take it well although it did appear to unsettle him (He is a perfect gentleman but I think a little bit staid), as he did get a little confused at the end and asked me if that name was what I wanted to be called from now on. (Perhaps he was having difficulty absorbing it. Shock has a strange effect on people). Anyway it’s done now. He said that he would write to company’s house to see if there was any set procedure to be followed. He said that the Inland Revenue would not be a problem.
· Mon 6th September. Appointment with Dr Russell Reid @ the ‘London Institute’ (this is my second consultation £90.00) Asked him about taking an antiandrogen. He said that unless I had a problem with excessive male hair growth then it was not really necessary as the side affects were not very nice. He mentioned the way that I sound (my voice). He suggested that I consider visiting a voice therapist. He is going to write to Sandwell Hospital to get me an appointment with a speech therapist. (Keep your fingers crossed) I Mentioned Dr Preecha @ the PIA clinic in Thailand. He said that he had heard of it. He seemed quite happy with what he had heard. He also gave me two names of other Dr’s in Thailand that he knew of.
DR SUPORN & DR KUNAPORN. I will try and check these out on the Internet. I asked him for a 6-month prescription this time, which he agreed to. I asked him whether I needed to see an ENDROCOLIGIST. The answer was a definite no. He agreed that different Dr’s had differing views on whether I should have Electrolysis on my scrotum. He said that I needed to contact the relevant DR’S to see what they required. When he asked about Dr Mustfa prescribing my medication I explained that they were saying that the drugs were not licensed for the purpose that I wanted them for. His answer to that was that of course they were not. After all the medication is HRT for women, but it is what is give to transsexuals for the hormones. To sum the visit up. Although he did not pass an opinion I did get the impression that he was quite happy with my progress.
· Received a letter off Dr Reid with copy’s of the letters that he has sent to Dr Mustfa & Sandwell Hospital Speech Dept
Thurs 16th Sept Have received letter from Sandwell Hospital ‘Speech and Language Therapy Department’. They will contact me as soon as an appointment becomes available.
Wed 22nd Sept 2004. Received New Access Credit cards from NatWest Bank In Southend-On-Sea in my new name. Miss R L Pearce.
· Saturday 9th October 2004 Received an appointment from Sandwell Hospital to see the ‘Speech and Language Therapist’ a Linda Heggie @ 11.30 on he Tuesday 2nd November 2004.
· Tuesday 2nd Nov 2004. Went to my appointment with Linda Heggie (‘Speech and Language Therapist’) @ Sandwell Hospital. She was on time if not a little early. Ms Heggie was an extremely pleasant person. I think she was also Transgender curious. This first meeting was an assessment of my speech problem (Male to Female). She did not to have a problem with this. In fact I was the 3rd or 4th person to be referred to her from Dr Reid in London. She asked me to tell her about myself and then to read from a short story (about a rat). All this was recorded on a cassette tape recorder. I then had to tell her more about myself (I talked about the business). All this was so that she could hear me speaking and decide how best to treat me. (Speaking exercises) She said that she did not think that I would have a problem in changing my speech. She also said that my body language in connection with talking was very good. She said that she would have an appointment for me in 3 or 4 weeks and then she would see me about every 3 weeks. She also asked me if I had any objection to group therapy. I said that I did not have any objection. I felt that the whole appointment went extremely well. I fact I am looking forward to starting. She instilled a lot of confidence in me. She is full of confidence herself. The whole appointment took about 35 Minutes. I seem to fall on my feet every time when it comes to therapists. i.e. Dr Russell Reid, Sally & now Linda Heggie.
· Thurs 16th Dec 2004 Have had an appointment come from the speech therapist Dept @ “Sandwell Hospital”. The Appointment is for Mon 17th January @ 9.30am with Miss Linda Heggie.
· Mon 17th Jan 2005. My first appointment with Linda Heggie (speech therapist). She started off by filling out a form that determined my aims and objectives. (What I wanted to achieve, at what point would I be satisfied & how long did I think that it would take.) After this she started by explaining about the throat and voice box. Also about the two muscles above the voice box. She explained that I had to learn to control the two muscles, so that I could open and close them at will. She gave me various exercises to do to achieve this. Once again she seemed quite confident in my progress. She thought that I would take perhaps 6 to 12 months to achieve what I wanted. She has made an appointment for me on Mon 31st Jan 2005 @ 11am.
· Mon 31st Jan 2005 My second appointment with Linda Heggie (speech therapist). She said that I seemed to be coming along quite well. She gave me more throat exercises to do. I am finding it much easier to flex the muscles in my throat.
· Wed 2nd Feb 2005 Went to see Helen Shellis (The secretary of “The Paddock Sports and Social Club”. I needed to talk to her about continuing my membership of the club. Asked her what she thought the reaction at the club towards me would be like. She was quite supportive. I have been a member of this club for quite some years, but I am afraid that it has a rather staid attitude in some respects. A lot of the members are terribly old school. But she said that she would try to smooth things over and support me.
· Mon 14th Feb 2005 3rd Appointment with Linda Heggie. (Speech). She is pleased with my progress.
· Mon 28th Feb 2005 4th Appointment with Linda Heggie. (Speech). She said that she was really pleased with my progress. I am coming on faster than she hoped for.
· Sat 5th March 2005 Phoned Helen at home (The Paddock Club). Asked her if she was going to the Paddock tonight. I decided to go with her. We arranged that I would go to her place first at 10.15pm and then on to the club. It was very quiet (bingo night). Hardly anyone recognised me. Apparently Martin & His wife had been informed but said nothing. Fred Rose (Fred is the club philanderer, but there is no harm in him and it is all talk) put his arm around me and gave me a bit of light chat up line. All in fun. (But he did not know). When there was just Helen, Ron & Myself left I brought up the subject of Nick. Helen suggested that I call round to nick’s (Not a Good idea). Ron suggested that I phone him. Ron also said that he would find out what Nick’s reaction/opinion was, the next time he came into the club. I really did not like that idea at all. Came away at about 1am. Gave this Nick thing some more thought and decided to phone him tomorrow.
· Sun 6th March 2005 Phoned Nick @ about 11am. Explained why I was phoning. (That I did not want Ron to put him on the spot) He was all right about it. Said he was not to worried about my situation and did not have a problem with it. Said that I would see him down ‘The Paddock Club’ sometime. That has put my mind at rest.
· Mon 7th March 2005 I have an appointment with Dr Russell Reid at 12.30pm. Left home at 9.10am Journey went well until I got to the end of the M4. I had about another 6 miles to do and it took me about 50minutes. I did not think that I was going to make it on time. But I did. Dr Reid made me aware of the mistakes that can happen with GRS surgery. He gave me the number of Emma Scully, a beautician down in the south of England. She has had her surgery with Dr Kunaporn in Thailand. It was a total success. I need to contact her to see how long she was off work (could not stand). Other than that I had already accepted that there were risks involved with this type of surgery. The only other thing that he told me was that they might not want to give me a general anaesthetic because of my heart condition. Apparently this surgery can be carried out under an epidural. To be honest I really don’t fancy that at all. At the moment my heart feels 100%. He also gave me a prescription for 4 months (This was a repeat prescription i.e. Two prescriptions on one sheet of paper)
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· Mon 14th March 2005 Went to see Linda Heggie (Voice) Appointment @ 9.30am. Had a really good session. She did a relaxing exercise with me (I think it was hypnosis really). She showed me how to relax. Starting at the top of my body i.e. my face. Then working my way down until I was completely relaxed. Then I had to visualise myself looking at a video of myself. The video is of me talking in a normal feminine way (the way I wish to talk). I can see myself clearly but I cannot hear myself talking. I have to keep rerunning this video until it is as I, want it to be (talking the way that I want to talk). Eventually I have to merge my real self with the ‘me’ in the video. Then before I come out of this relaxed mode I have to tell myself when I wish to start talking like this. I also had to decide (Whilst still in the relaxed state) on a trigger. Something that would automatically start me in the ‘fem’ mode of talking. I decided that the trigger should be when I open my mouth to talk.
Linda seemed really pleased with my progress (she was actually quite elated with it). She has now suggested that I will not have another appointment. But rather she will write to me in about 3 months time to see about coming into see her again with a view to having a bit of a refresher session. Although she did say that if I felt the need to see about my voice before then, I had to phone and make an appointment.
· Mon 4th April 2005 Went to the Doctors (They have started a new walk in surgery. You just turn up at 8am and ask to see a Dr.) Asked to see Dr Karen Blakey. Started to wait at 8.10am (There was about 3 or 4 people in front of me). I eventually got called in at 8.50am. (I chose Dr Blakey as Dr Mustfa had recommended her to look after me when she left the practice). Dr Blakey seemed quite sympathetic towards me. Had a new prescription, had my blood pressure done and had a form to go to Sandwell Hospital for blood tests ect (Fasting blood test). I broached the subject of seeing a Consultant Psychologist at Sandwell Mental Health NHS and Social Care Trust at Sandwell Hospital. I informed Dr Blakey that Dr Mustfa had informed me that I would have to go it alone with my Transgender treatment as they would not fund me, also that it was getting very expensive for me (I did lay it on a bit, on purpose. It’s about time a got some help from the NHS). I told her that I had contacted the ‘Wednesbury and West Bromwich’ Primary Care Trust. In there reply (from Corinne Taylor: Governance Manager) they enclosed a copy of their policy on “Gender Dysphoria and Sex Reassignment Surgery”. This policy states at point 2. Patients should initially be referred to a Consultant Psychiatrist at Sandwell Mental Health NHS and Social Care Trust. Point 3. Assess to specialist tertiary centre for assessment should be via a tertiary referral from the local NHS Consultant Psychiatrist. The preferred assessment service is via Dr Russell Reid at The London Institute. Dr Blakey told me that the Church Lane Medical Centre has no objection the funding my treatment. (I think that this was said because of what had gone on before when I dealt with Dr Mustfa and they would not prescribe my hormones). She asked me if I had the name of the person that wrote to me from the local NHS? I told her it was Corinne Taylor Governance Manager and that I had E-Mailed her today to find out the name of the Consultant Psychiatrist at Sandwell Hospital. When I get this information I will pass it on to Dr Blakey. She said that she would today write to Sandwell Hospital to try and arrange an appointment for me. Lets hope that we can move on in a more helpful way from now. One lives in hope. (Another Dr [a man] came into the surgery whilst I was there. I think that he was being Nosey. I think it was a Dr Butler?).
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· Mon 16th May Received a letter off Sandwell Mental Health. They told me that Dr K Blakey had written to them. They said that I had to phone 0121 607 4063 to make an appointment with
Dr Khalil, SB. I phoned and the earliest that they could see me was 18th July 2005 @ 1.30pm. Lets hope this is a good sign and that we can now move on and make some progress.
· Mon 23rd May Received a letter off Sandwell Mental Health to confirm my appointment with Dr Khalil on Monday 18th July 2005 @ 13.30 (1.30pm). The appointment will last aprox 1 to 1.1/2 hours. I must take my medication with me. The appointment is at Hallam Street Hospital. Hallam Street, West Bromwich. West Midlands. B71 4NH. (8 Weeks to go).
Wed 13th July Appointment at Hallam Street Hospital (Sandwell Mental Health) at 3.30pm. Saw Dr Berrisford. (10 mins late). Had the usual first time interview. Went very well. He agreed that I was Gender Dysphoric. Did not have a problem with my condition. Said that he would see if he could try and fast track me past the local Psychiatry Dept and Dr Russell Reid. Said that he would try and get me straight through to Leicester. He was going to have to talk to his boss (Dr Khalil, SB Consultant Psychiatrist). He also wrote me a letter to give to Dr Blakey asking if it was possible to prescribe me my HTR on the NHS. Have to see him again on Wednesday 14th September @ 3.15pm. My general impression was that he was very supportive and would do whatever he could to help me. He implied that he had not dealt with a pre-op transsexual before. He did admit that he had dealt with a number of post-op transsexuals that had decided that they had made a mistake. He assured me that it was never to late to change my mine. He did intimate that he thought that I was doing the right thing. All in all a good interview. (He was extremely handsome. HE! HE! HE! Eat your heart out Becky)
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· Mon 22nd Aug had an appointment with Sally (Receptionist’s Name is Lorraine) @ 3.30pm. This was to start a new course of treatment on my testicular area, to clear the hair from the skin that may be used to form part of the inside of the neo-vagina. Sally electric shaved my testicles and then started the Epilight treatment. I was very painful! Luckily it only took about 30 minutes. When I thought it was all over she recommended that I have the sides of my groin done as well. Seeing as we were in that area anyway. I reluctantly agreed to this as she said that she would be gentle. (I should have known better HE! HE! HE! I am sure she has a pain fetish.) That was also very painful. When she had finished that and I once again thought it was all over, she suggests that I finish the job and have the hair at the top of my pubic area removed. I have come to the conclusion that you don’t argue with Sally, once she has made her mind up what is going to be done. So I have ended up with having a bikini hair removal as well as the testicle area done. She said that I would be phoning her up in a couple of weeks to thank her. She is probably right as usual. That treatment cost me £100. It lasted just over one hour. Have made another appointment for 17th October @ 4.30pm for the same again.
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· Wed 24th Aug Sally phoned me up at home at about 6.40pm to see if I was all right after my treatment. She said that she had been worrying about me. I assured her that there had been absolutely no after-effects at all. That was very thoughtful of her. But that’s Sally.
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· Wed 14th Sept Appointment with Dr Berrisford At 3.15pm @ Hallam St Hospital. Not good news so far. He told me that there was a lot of disagreement between his department (Psychiatry) and the psychology department. Dr Berrisford and his boss Dr Khalil (a Lady) think that I should be funded, but the psychology Department think that as I started off going privately then I should continue as such. They do not want to take on the leftovers from the private sector. Dr Berrisford has now written to the head of the local NHS (he did say his name but I can’t remember it) to plead my case. He is now waiting for a reply. He could not commit him self to an opinion as to whether it would go my way or not, though he did feel in his opinion that I should get NHS funding. His boss Dr Khalil also mentioned that I would probably have to go and see Dr Reid for an NHS funded Assessment. He said that for the time being I should not go to see Dr Reid as it may look as if I was playing the two ends in to the middle. I mentioned the fact that I may run out of my hormone medication in the meantime, in which case I would have to contact Dr Reid for another prescription. He agreed that I would have to do that. He finally said that he was leaving the Sandwell NHS and going to Solihull District to work. I joked that perhaps I should follow him over there. He told me that he would leave plenty of notes and advice for the Dr that would be taking over from him. He reiterated that he was still happy that I was doing the right thing. As a matter of interest I asked him why the two post-op Transsexuals that he had mentioned on the previous appointment had changed their minds. He told me that they had sought no professional psychiatric advice and had gone to have their operations privately without any medical referrals. They had also gone through the whole procedure to quickly.
· Mon 17th Oct. Went to the Dr’s walk-in surgery. I had to have my six-month review for my prescription. Dr Blakey has left (in May). I asked to see Dr Simon Butler. (I did not know whether he would be TS friendly or not). He was very pleasant when I walked in. He called me Rebecca (as is correct). He took my blood pressure, which was 130/78. Quite good. I discussed the matter of NHS funding. He looked at the local NHS policy on gender issues and agreed that perhaps I should get funding for my medication, as I appear to have fulfilled all the required criteria. He said that he would write to the PCT (NHS local). He said that he was not familiar with my case but would read all my notes after the surgery had ended. He did say that he was not happy with me taking female hormones with my heart condition, but I told him that I had been to see Dr Barr (Consultant) at Russell’s Hall Hospital. Dr Barr had said that he had no objections to me taking the female hormones, as there were no contraindications with my present medication. I got the impression that he was not Gender friendly or that he was on edge because he had not dealt with this sort of situation before. I will stick with him for now and see how things unfold.
· Mon 9th Nov. Had an appointment with Dr Berrisford or his replacement, it was a temporary replacement. A Dr Something or other. I was kept for the best part of half an hour with no apology. Only to be told that they had not heard off the psychology department yet. I give up half a days work close the shop to be told nothing. They could have written to me with this information. Made an appointment for three months time. Don’t know who its with though! He asked me if I was on medication and what was it. I told him what it was and that it was in my notes (he quite obviously had not read them). He asked if my GP was prescribing the hormones. Then agreed that they were not licensed to do so. I don’t want to see him again. Looks like I will go private after all!!!
· Tues 6th Dec. Had a phone call off Fiona (Dr Khalil’s secretary at Sandwell Mental Health). She informed me that I was applying to the wrong health area. Because the Church Lane Medical Practice is in the North B’ham area I have to apply to them for my funding. She is phoning to tell me she is writing to North B’ham Area Health and will contact me when she has heard off them. (She left her phone number: 0121 607 4063).
Mon 14th Nov. drove to London for appointment with Dr Russell Reid @ 12.30pm. Journey took about 3.25Hours (about normal timing). Got there a bit early so had a walk around a bit. Walked up the Old Brompton Road & turned left into Earls Court Road. Walked all the way up to the main duel carriageway into London. Turned left again and left into the Warwick Road. Walked all the way down to the Old Brompton Road again. (Walked in a circle). Go to Dr Reid’s at 12.15pm. Sue was on reception. Went into the office at 12.30pm prompt. I explained to Russell about the attitude of Sandwell Health Authority. I.e., I started off going for treatment privately so I should continue on that road. Like myself he thought that that was an incorrect decision (not based on medical grounds). He gave me a copy of a newspaper cutting that reported the case of three TS’s up north that had taken there case to court because there local NHS had refused to fund them. He said that it might be worth showing it to my GP. The judge had said that the NHS could not withhold treatment selectively. He dictated a letter that he was going to send to my GP with copies to Sandwell NHS. In the letter he states that he feels that I should be receiving NHS funding for my treatment and surgery so as not to cause my mental health to deteriorate. He said that he would also send me a copy of this letter. He photocopied report/letter that he had received off Dr Berrisford from Sandwell NHS. It was a very complimentary report that supported my transgender leanings in every way.
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· Sat 14th Jan Received my new driving licence off DVLA Swansea.
· Thurs/Fri 19th/20th Jan have more or less made up my mine that I will go privately for my surgery to Thailand (Dr Sanguan Kunaporn in Phuket). Have checked the up to date prices ($8000. = £4789.) They recommend a three-week stay (one week in a hotel to recover).
· Sun 22nd Jan Sent e-mail to Dr Kunaporn to enquire for more details.
· Mon 23rd Jan Received a letter off Sandwell Mental Health to change my appointment from 15th Feb to 12th April 3pm. My appointment is to see a Dr K Mahbouba. Received a reply from Dr Kunaporn asking what field of surgery I was interested in (Sent e-mail reply. Stating again that it was GRS that I was interested in and that I was also enquiring about Jan/Feb 2007 as possible dates.)
· Fri 27th Jan Had E-Mail reply off Dr Kunaporn. He has given me a date. 9th January 2007. Initially that sounds fine.
· Mon 30th Jan Had an appointment with Dr Russell Reid in London 4pm. gave him a copy of Dr Kunaporn’s e-mail. He was quite happy about sending a letter of referral to Thailand. I asked him not to write this in his report to my GP Dr Butler, as I wanted to play the two ends into the middle. This is because the NHS is dragging its feet. He did not have a problem with that request. This is the last time that I will see Russell Reid as he is retiring on the 8th of February 2006. He was very pleasant and wished me well. He said that Dr Richard Curtis is quite capable. At some point I will have to sign a letter to allow Dr Curtis to see my notes off Dr Reid. Also at some time I will have to see Dr Curtis so that he can write my 2nd referral to Dr Kunaporn.
· Fri 3rd Feb Received letter off Dr Butler to say that at last they were going to prescribe my hormones (after two years) but would have to sign a disclaimer letter. Also received a letter off Russell Reid with copies of the letters that he had sent to Dr Butler and Dr Kunaporn.
· Mon 6th Feb Had an appointment with Dr Butler (the walk-in surgery). He explained that they were now able to prescribe my hormones as long as I understood the risks involved and was prepared to sign a disclaimer. He gave me the packet to take to Sandwell hospital for a blood test. The wording on the disclaimer has to be altered so that it reflects the amount of hormone that I take. He appeared unaware of the quantities that I have to administer. I have to go back next Monday to sign the new disclaimer. During that appointment he informed me that my last Cholesterol test was 3.5 (EXELENT). Had an appointment with Linda Heggie @ 11.30am. She had a student sitting in with her. She was quite pleased with my voice. She gave me some lessons on how to speak better on the phone. All went well. CASSIE DIED THIS MORNING WHILST I WAS AT THE DOCTORS. SHE WAS ABOUT 9 YEARS OLD.
Mon 13th Feb Went to see Dr Butler again. He asked me to read the updated disclaimer and sign it if I agreed. This would have to be signed once a year. He gave me a prescription to last 3 months to start with he said that eventually he would make it a 6 month prescription, but he wanted to check my blood pressure for a while (don’t know how long). He also agreed that I must have a blood test every 6 Months. He mention as I was walking out that I did not have to see him at all my appointments, I could see any of the Doctors. (I don’t know whether he was trying to get rid of me. He also made the remark that if this was the way that I wanted to lead my life then so be it. It made me wonder whether he understood the ins and outs of ‘Transgenderism’. I don’t think so!).
· Sat 25th Feb Had letter off Dr Barr. This was a copy letter that he has sent to Dr Kunaporn in Thailand. He also sent a copy letter to Dr Butler At the Handsworth Wood Medical Centre. (That was something that I was hoping that he would not do). The report that he wrote seemed quite good from a layman’s point of view. I don’t feel that there is any reason to be dissatisfied or worried. (I will keep my fingers crossed that Dr Kunaporn does not find any reason to not carry out the surgery).
· Tues 7th March Had phone call off Linda Heggie (The speech therapist) at Sandwell Hospital. The last time that I saw her she said that she would phone to see how I was doing with my voice on the phone. She said that it was very good. She has now discharged me but said that if ever I needed to speak to her about my voice then I was to phone her. I am going to write her a letter of thanks.
Thurs 16th March Received letter off the Gender Identity Clinic in London. It asked me if I wanted to take up the referral that they had received. See attached reply:
Thurs 6th April. Received a letter off the Gender Identity Clinic in London, offering me an appointment on Thursday 6th July 2006. I phoned them [020 7386 1348] when I got home from work at 4.10pm. They said that they would reschedule me for a Monday and let me know. [Don’t they read the letters that you send to them? See link above (Letter confirming my wish)]. Having said that the lady on the phone was very pleasant and helpful.
· Wed 19th April. Started to apply the ‘Meladine’. To my face twice a day (this is to rid myself of grey & white facial hair). I have an appointment with Sally on 5th June for my first face treatment with the ‘Meladine’
· Thurs 27 April. Went on a blind date with Bert from Rushall. [Off the yahoo personals site]. It was an unmitigated disaster. He was not dressed very well. He was to tense. He said that he was not going to have a meal as he was not hungry and did not fancy anything off the menu. I had not eaten since breakfast time I was starving. The date was a non-starter. I stayed for about 1hour. I said that it was not going anywhere. So he got up and left. So much for straight blokes.
· Thurs 11th May. Received a letter off Sandwell Mental Health. Once again they are cancelling my appointment [24th May 2006]. This is the 3rd time they have done this and I have had enough. I have written a letter of complaint, which I posted on 14th, May.
Wed 17th May. Had a Phone call [on my mobile] off Fiona Murdoch [medical secretary to Dr Khalil]. She said that she had received my letter of compliant. She was extremely sorry that this situation had arisen. She gave me the reasons why the appointments had been changed but added that that was no excuse. It had been far to long since I had seen one of the Drs. She offered me an appointment on the following Monday 22nd May @ 2:30pm to see Dr Khalil, SB. I must admit I was a bit surprised at the result. I think that it is the first time that I have had such a positive result from a letter of complaint.
· Mon 22nd May. Went to my appointment at Sandwell Mental Health with Dr Khalil SB. She was on time with her appointments. Having said which I think that I was the first appointment in the afternoon. With a name like Khalil you would think that she was Asian. She was nothing like it. If anything she looked a little Italian???. Ah Well. She was very pleasant. She greeted me well and then apologized for the business over the appointments. I replied that it was all sorted now so no harm done. She asked me how I was getting along. She went over my case, verifying the main points. [How long had I been full time. Did I feel comfortable with it, and other questions of a similar nature? She did ask me on two occasions whether I had had any gender surgery yet. [I think that they had received a copy of the letter that Dr Barr wrote to Dr Kunaporn out in Thailand. Why else would she ask that question twice?] I told her that I had received an appointment to see a Dr Lorimer at the Gender Clinic in London. She explained that she was a physiatrist where as they in London were Physiologists. She advised me that they would ask me more in depth questions about my reasoning as to why I thought that I was female. She finished off the appointment by saying that she had met me she would keep me on her list. She will see me in six months time. Monday 27th November 2006 @ 3:15pm.
· Thurs 1st June. Had a blind date with Brian at the ‘Plough and Harrow ‘ on the Chester road. Quite nice man and a pleasant evening. But, I had to keep the conversation going nearly all night long. It was eventually hard work. Even I was running out of subjects to talk about. Don’t think that I will meet him again.
· Sat 3rd June. Mother moved out of the house. I got home from work today to find that she had packed up and moved. At last. I had a feeling that she would have moved out as I drove up the cul-de-sac. Call it premonition. She has moved to Ross-On-Wye. Margerate and Andrew and David obviously moved her. She took all her furniture including her carpets. [I do not have a problem with this. It had to happen.] They turned off the power at the main switch so that the freezers were almost defrosted. The cooker wire was just cut. As apposed to being disconnected safely. They had cut the power cable to my TV in the kitchen and my computers ect also the pull cords to the bathroom light and shower and vanity light. Smashed some panes in the French doors. Cut all the rope on the rotary line. Smeared brown sauce up the walls in the kitchen. I think that it was meant to look like something else brown. [How extremely childish]. It has taken the best part of two weeks to get the place straight again. It was absolutely filthy. I thought that she was supposed to be cleaning the common parts of the house. [The parts that were used by the two of us]. It had not been touched for ages. The grease on the wall behind the cooker took three applications of soda cleaning spray. The bathroom was not much better. But it is all sparkling now [Two weeks on]. You could eat your food off the floor..
· Mon 5th June. Had an appointment with Sally @ 5pm. This is to start to have my remaining grey facial hair removed with ‘Epilight’ using the ‘Meladine’ solution. My face was quite burnt in a few places. I hope that that is a good sign. It will be a couple of weeks before we will know.
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· Mon 19th June. My first appointment for treatment at the dentist in about 30years (Deeba Bashir). She cleaned some of my bottom left teeth and filled the top tooth that had the hole through the middle. She was very gentle. It has given me a lot of confidence in her. I will not have a problem going to the dentist again.
· Sun 25th June. Took Sasha to stay at Sherri’s & Keith’s. I was most worried about her. She has never stayed with strangers before or been away from home without me. Drove to London for my 1st appointment at the Gender Clinic (Charring Cross Hospital). Went to see where the clinic was (Hammersmith) before driving back out of London to the ‘Travel Lodge’ just after Junction 3 eastbound of the M4. (£26.00 bed only).
· Mon 26th June. Drove into London the next morning at about 7.20am. It only took about 20 minutes to get there. Parked the car and put 4 hours in the meter (£6.40p). Walked into Hammersmith to find somewhere for breakfast. There is a small shopping centre accessed through the subway underneath the flyover. Walked straight through to the High street and found a ‘Café Nero’. Had a couple of Espressos and a chicken, spinach and tomato sandwich. Sarah phoned to ask if there was any nastiness in my street. Someone had fired a shotgun pellet into her car. I told her that it would not have happened around where I lived. She had forgot that I was coming to London even though I had told her on Saturday. Walked back to the car outside the clinic (it is about 15/20 mins walk). Phoned Sherri to see how Sasha was then went into the clinic. I was early it was about 9.20am (my appointment was 9.30am with Dr Lorimer [Psychiatrist]. When I got there they said that he had been delayed on the underground (flooding) on his way into work. I was called into the surgery at 9.50am. He was most apologetic about keeping my waiting. He was obviously a very pleasant man. About late 30s to early 40s. I was immediately relaxed with him. I gave him a very brief overview of my situation and then let him ask all his questions. It was not too dissimilar to my interview with Dr Berrisford in Sandwell. (I actually get used to telling the story. But it doesn’t matter how many times you tell it, you always remember something else or new. I think mainly because each person will ask a few different questions or ask the question in a different way or even probe a little deeper. But the basics are always the same.) He was quite chatty. Revealing some of the things that TS’s get up to, to gain approval with the Doctors. Even saying, “that they are full time” but will Change into female attire in the toilet in Hammersmith town. He was very positive with me. He actually commented that he would not have a problem with my ‘Gender Change’ and he felt that when I came back in 3 months to see another Doctor the result would be exactly the same. (He said that I need to see another Psychiatrist at the clinic, as this was there way of doing things). He commented on how pleased he was that I have been very sensible and constructive over the past 2 two and a half years. He was also impressed at how organised I was in my life and in supplying information to him. He said that he could not see a problem in putting me forward for surgery (ie. Writing a referral to a surgeon). I asked whether I would have to start the two-year life experience all over again. His answer was a definite NO. He was quite happy to move the situation on straight away. I asked about the length of waiting times for surgery. He commented that they were not as long as people thought (about 4 months). In the meantime he would write to my GP and explain what was going on, and that he would have to apply the local NHS for funding for surgery. How long this would take is anyone’s guess. I commented that once we had acquired funding we would then have to start the process with the surgeons. He replied that once we knew that we were going to get funding we could then start moving forward where the surgeons were concerned. The problem might occur that they allocate funding in a future financial year as apposed to this or the next financial year (2007). He also said that they could not withhold funding. I asked him about choice of surgeon to which he replied that I would have to hake that up with my local health authority. He did not instil any confidence in me with that remark. I made the comment about surgeons in other countries. (Really I only wanted to see what his reaction would be. There was no noticeable reaction. I then remarked that surgeons in Thailand were the best. Again no noticeable reaction.) I then raised the subject of me losing control of the ongoing procedures. He said that really the only part I had no control over was the funding issue with the local NHS. At some point during the interview he mentioned that he was not happy that I was on ‘Oestrogel’. He is of the opinion that it gives unnaturally high Oestrogen readings. He also mentioned that he might like to see me taking an ‘Antiandroged’. He said that he would like to see my Testosterone level at about one or two and my oestrogen levels at between 400 & 600. He sent me for a blood test at the main Charring Cross Hospital. I had to wait about 45mins to be seen. I drove out of London at about 12.25pm.
To sum up I would be of the opinion that the Gender clinic in London is a very pleasant & helpful place to start your transition. They are most informative. They appear to be kind and concerned. If I were
just starting my change now I would have no hesitation in going through the NHS system. Also in some respects it is a shame that I do not want my surgery in this country as apposed to Thailand. But as I am well aware the standards of treatment in Asia are far superior to this country (The United Kingdom). For this reason I will continue to plan for January 9th in Phuket with Dr Kunaporn. Having said that I intend to keep my next appointment at the Gender Clinic in about 3 months time. It is sensible to keep all your options open. (An observation re: Dr Russell Reid. It is said that he is to quick in diagnosing GID. Yet this Dr Lorimer was extremely quick in coming to a diagnosis of GID Like one and a half hours!! Should anything be read into that?) The treatment I received was contrary to what I had heard around the Gender community.
· Wed 28th June. Received my documents back from the Pass Port office. A note was attached to say my Pass Port would arrive in a separate envelope. Sent E-Mail to Dr Kunaporn to see if he had received my referral and medical report. This was the second E-Mail asking this question.
· Thurs 29th June My new Pass Port arrived in my new name and gender. Sent another E-Mail to Dr Kunaporn, Re: my GRS (e-mail as follows: 29th June 2006Dear Dr Kunaporn, Did you receive the referral off Dr Russell Reid and My medical report off Dr C S Barr. Yours Sincerely Rebecca.
· Sun 2nd June 2006. Had reply e-mail off Dr Kunaporn. As follows: [Dear Rebecca I have received a letter from Dr. C S Barr already. It stated that you have minor residual coronary heart, disease, hypertension and hypercholesterolemia. So I assume that you are fit for the surgery but need to stop some medicine 2 weeks before surgery including, Aspirin, and hormone. So I confirm your surgery in January 2007.
Regards Sanguan Kunaporn.
· Sun 2nd May Told mother that I had changed my name to Rebecca Lynn. She did not say anything. I don’t think that I really expected her to say anything.
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· Mon 17th May 2004. Had my face done at Sally’s? This was my first of two free treatments. I have been having ‘Epilight’ treatment for my facial hair over the last 12 months aprox (started in March 2003). After so many treatments you receive two free treatments. It is a very successful hair removal treatment (similar to laser, but less intrusive.) I have also had a couple of successful treatments on my back amongst other places. Sally who is the technician at the “New Life Clinic” in Walsall is one of the nicest people that I have met during my transition, as are her two receptionists, Kate & Lorraine. They all seem to be taking a personal interest in my progress. Except for the pain factor, (Sally says that she enjoys inflicting pain. I think that she likes to be called Miss Whiplash.) It is a pleasure to go to my appointments.
· Tues 22nd June. Went to Russells Hall Hospital to see Dr Barr. Dr Mustfa had written to him to seek advice (from a heart point of view) on the HRT medication that I was taking. Dr Barr was quite happy with my progress. He had no problem with me taking the HRT medication, although he did tell me to watch out for deep vain thrombosis & breast cancer, although he was not to concerned about either of these points. He also said that I must have an annual blood test for Lipids ect. Everything went very well as far as I was concerned. He said that he would write to Dr Mustfa & Dr Reid to inform them of his opinion, he said that he would also send me a copy of the letter. I should now think that Dr Mustfa i.e. the Church Lane Medical Practice will at last agree to prescribe the HRT medication.
· Fri 2.nd July. Received a letter off Dr Barr. (Copy of which he was sending to Dr Mustfa & Dr Reid).
· He say’s that he is quite happy with my heart condition and quote “There are no contraindications to hormone therapy with a view to gender reassignment (nor will there be a contraindication to gender reassignment surgery if and when this is necessary
· Tues 20th July. Appointment with Dr Mustfa. Although she has had the letter off Dr Barr she has not heard anything off Charring Cross Hospital. She said that she would chase it up. That remains to be seen. She did not seem as enthusiastic as before. I should imagine that she has lost interest now that she is leaving the practice.
· Mon 2nd Aug. Appointment with Mr Keith Evens (Accountant) To go through the accounts. Time to tell him that I have changed my name to Rebecca Lynn Pearce. He seemed to take it well although it did appear to unsettle him (He is a perfect gentleman but I think a little bit staid), as he did get a little confused at the end and asked me if that name was what I wanted to be called from now on. (Perhaps he was having difficulty absorbing it. Shock has a strange effect on people). Anyway it’s done now. He said that he would write to company’s house to see if there was any set procedure to be followed. He said that the Inland Revenue would not be a problem.
· Mon 6th September. Appointment with Dr Russell Reid @ the ‘London Institute’ (this is my second consultation £90.00) Asked him about taking an antiandrogen. He said that unless I had a problem with excessive male hair growth then it was not really necessary as the side affects were not very nice. He mentioned the way that I sound (my voice). He suggested that I consider visiting a voice therapist. He is going to write to Sandwell Hospital to get me an appointment with a speech therapist. (Keep your fingers crossed) I Mentioned Dr Preecha @ the PIA clinic in Thailand. He said that he had heard of it. He seemed quite happy with what he had heard. He also gave me two names of other Dr’s in Thailand that he knew of.
DR SUPORN & DR KUNAPORN. I will try and check these out on the Internet. I asked him for a 6-month prescription this time, which he agreed to. I asked him whether I needed to see an ENDROCOLIGIST. The answer was a definite no. He agreed that different Dr’s had differing views on whether I should have Electrolysis on my scrotum. He said that I needed to contact the relevant DR’S to see what they required. When he asked about Dr Mustfa prescribing my medication I explained that they were saying that the drugs were not licensed for the purpose that I wanted them for. His answer to that was that of course they were not. After all the medication is HRT for women, but it is what is give to transsexuals for the hormones. To sum the visit up. Although he did not pass an opinion I did get the impression that he was quite happy with my progress.
· Received a letter off Dr Reid with copy’s of the letters that he has sent to Dr Mustfa & Sandwell Hospital Speech Dept
Thurs 16th Sept Have received letter from Sandwell Hospital ‘Speech and Language Therapy Department’. They will contact me as soon as an appointment becomes available.
Wed 22nd Sept 2004. Received New Access Credit cards from NatWest Bank In Southend-On-Sea in my new name. Miss R L Pearce.
· Saturday 9th October 2004 Received an appointment from Sandwell Hospital to see the ‘Speech and Language Therapist’ a Linda Heggie @ 11.30 on he Tuesday 2nd November 2004.
· Tuesday 2nd Nov 2004. Went to my appointment with Linda Heggie (‘Speech and Language Therapist’) @ Sandwell Hospital. She was on time if not a little early. Ms Heggie was an extremely pleasant person. I think she was also Transgender curious. This first meeting was an assessment of my speech problem (Male to Female). She did not to have a problem with this. In fact I was the 3rd or 4th person to be referred to her from Dr Reid in London. She asked me to tell her about myself and then to read from a short story (about a rat). All this was recorded on a cassette tape recorder. I then had to tell her more about myself (I talked about the business). All this was so that she could hear me speaking and decide how best to treat me. (Speaking exercises) She said that she did not think that I would have a problem in changing my speech. She also said that my body language in connection with talking was very good. She said that she would have an appointment for me in 3 or 4 weeks and then she would see me about every 3 weeks. She also asked me if I had any objection to group therapy. I said that I did not have any objection. I felt that the whole appointment went extremely well. I fact I am looking forward to starting. She instilled a lot of confidence in me. She is full of confidence herself. The whole appointment took about 35 Minutes. I seem to fall on my feet every time when it comes to therapists. i.e. Dr Russell Reid, Sally & now Linda Heggie.
· Thurs 16th Dec 2004 Have had an appointment come from the speech therapist Dept @ “Sandwell Hospital”. The Appointment is for Mon 17th January @ 9.30am with Miss Linda Heggie.
· Mon 17th Jan 2005. My first appointment with Linda Heggie (speech therapist). She started off by filling out a form that determined my aims and objectives. (What I wanted to achieve, at what point would I be satisfied & how long did I think that it would take.) After this she started by explaining about the throat and voice box. Also about the two muscles above the voice box. She explained that I had to learn to control the two muscles, so that I could open and close them at will. She gave me various exercises to do to achieve this. Once again she seemed quite confident in my progress. She thought that I would take perhaps 6 to 12 months to achieve what I wanted. She has made an appointment for me on Mon 31st Jan 2005 @ 11am.
· Mon 31st Jan 2005 My second appointment with Linda Heggie (speech therapist). She said that I seemed to be coming along quite well. She gave me more throat exercises to do. I am finding it much easier to flex the muscles in my throat.
· Wed 2nd Feb 2005 Went to see Helen Shellis (The secretary of “The Paddock Sports and Social Club”. I needed to talk to her about continuing my membership of the club. Asked her what she thought the reaction at the club towards me would be like. She was quite supportive. I have been a member of this club for quite some years, but I am afraid that it has a rather staid attitude in some respects. A lot of the members are terribly old school. But she said that she would try to smooth things over and support me.
· Mon 14th Feb 2005 3rd Appointment with Linda Heggie. (Speech). She is pleased with my progress.
· Mon 28th Feb 2005 4th Appointment with Linda Heggie. (Speech). She said that she was really pleased with my progress. I am coming on faster than she hoped for.
· Sat 5th March 2005 Phoned Helen at home (The Paddock Club). Asked her if she was going to the Paddock tonight. I decided to go with her. We arranged that I would go to her place first at 10.15pm and then on to the club. It was very quiet (bingo night). Hardly anyone recognised me. Apparently Martin & His wife had been informed but said nothing. Fred Rose (Fred is the club philanderer, but there is no harm in him and it is all talk) put his arm around me and gave me a bit of light chat up line. All in fun. (But he did not know). When there was just Helen, Ron & Myself left I brought up the subject of Nick. Helen suggested that I call round to nick’s (Not a Good idea). Ron suggested that I phone him. Ron also said that he would find out what Nick’s reaction/opinion was, the next time he came into the club. I really did not like that idea at all. Came away at about 1am. Gave this Nick thing some more thought and decided to phone him tomorrow.
· Sun 6th March 2005 Phoned Nick @ about 11am. Explained why I was phoning. (That I did not want Ron to put him on the spot) He was all right about it. Said he was not to worried about my situation and did not have a problem with it. Said that I would see him down ‘The Paddock Club’ sometime. That has put my mind at rest.
· Mon 7th March 2005 I have an appointment with Dr Russell Reid at 12.30pm. Left home at 9.10am Journey went well until I got to the end of the M4. I had about another 6 miles to do and it took me about 50minutes. I did not think that I was going to make it on time. But I did. Dr Reid made me aware of the mistakes that can happen with GRS surgery. He gave me the number of Emma Scully, a beautician down in the south of England. She has had her surgery with Dr Kunaporn in Thailand. It was a total success. I need to contact her to see how long she was off work (could not stand). Other than that I had already accepted that there were risks involved with this type of surgery. The only other thing that he told me was that they might not want to give me a general anaesthetic because of my heart condition. Apparently this surgery can be carried out under an epidural. To be honest I really don’t fancy that at all. At the moment my heart feels 100%. He also gave me a prescription for 4 months (This was a repeat prescription i.e. Two prescriptions on one sheet of paper)
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· Mon 14th March 2005 Went to see Linda Heggie (Voice) Appointment @ 9.30am. Had a really good session. She did a relaxing exercise with me (I think it was hypnosis really). She showed me how to relax. Starting at the top of my body i.e. my face. Then working my way down until I was completely relaxed. Then I had to visualise myself looking at a video of myself. The video is of me talking in a normal feminine way (the way I wish to talk). I can see myself clearly but I cannot hear myself talking. I have to keep rerunning this video until it is as I, want it to be (talking the way that I want to talk). Eventually I have to merge my real self with the ‘me’ in the video. Then before I come out of this relaxed mode I have to tell myself when I wish to start talking like this. I also had to decide (Whilst still in the relaxed state) on a trigger. Something that would automatically start me in the ‘fem’ mode of talking. I decided that the trigger should be when I open my mouth to talk.
Linda seemed really pleased with my progress (she was actually quite elated with it). She has now suggested that I will not have another appointment. But rather she will write to me in about 3 months time to see about coming into see her again with a view to having a bit of a refresher session. Although she did say that if I felt the need to see about my voice before then, I had to phone and make an appointment.
· Mon 4th April 2005 Went to the Doctors (They have started a new walk in surgery. You just turn up at 8am and ask to see a Dr.) Asked to see Dr Karen Blakey. Started to wait at 8.10am (There was about 3 or 4 people in front of me). I eventually got called in at 8.50am. (I chose Dr Blakey as Dr Mustfa had recommended her to look after me when she left the practice). Dr Blakey seemed quite sympathetic towards me. Had a new prescription, had my blood pressure done and had a form to go to Sandwell Hospital for blood tests ect (Fasting blood test). I broached the subject of seeing a Consultant Psychologist at Sandwell Mental Health NHS and Social Care Trust at Sandwell Hospital. I informed Dr Blakey that Dr Mustfa had informed me that I would have to go it alone with my Transgender treatment as they would not fund me, also that it was getting very expensive for me (I did lay it on a bit, on purpose. It’s about time a got some help from the NHS). I told her that I had contacted the ‘Wednesbury and West Bromwich’ Primary Care Trust. In there reply (from Corinne Taylor: Governance Manager) they enclosed a copy of their policy on “Gender Dysphoria and Sex Reassignment Surgery”. This policy states at point 2. Patients should initially be referred to a Consultant Psychiatrist at Sandwell Mental Health NHS and Social Care Trust. Point 3. Assess to specialist tertiary centre for assessment should be via a tertiary referral from the local NHS Consultant Psychiatrist. The preferred assessment service is via Dr Russell Reid at The London Institute. Dr Blakey told me that the Church Lane Medical Centre has no objection the funding my treatment. (I think that this was said because of what had gone on before when I dealt with Dr Mustfa and they would not prescribe my hormones). She asked me if I had the name of the person that wrote to me from the local NHS? I told her it was Corinne Taylor Governance Manager and that I had E-Mailed her today to find out the name of the Consultant Psychiatrist at Sandwell Hospital. When I get this information I will pass it on to Dr Blakey. She said that she would today write to Sandwell Hospital to try and arrange an appointment for me. Lets hope that we can move on in a more helpful way from now. One lives in hope. (Another Dr [a man] came into the surgery whilst I was there. I think that he was being Nosey. I think it was a Dr Butler?).
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· Mon 16th May Received a letter off Sandwell Mental Health. They told me that Dr K Blakey had written to them. They said that I had to phone 0121 607 4063 to make an appointment with
Dr Khalil, SB. I phoned and the earliest that they could see me was 18th July 2005 @ 1.30pm. Lets hope this is a good sign and that we can now move on and make some progress.
· Mon 23rd May Received a letter off Sandwell Mental Health to confirm my appointment with Dr Khalil on Monday 18th July 2005 @ 13.30 (1.30pm). The appointment will last aprox 1 to 1.1/2 hours. I must take my medication with me. The appointment is at Hallam Street Hospital. Hallam Street, West Bromwich. West Midlands. B71 4NH. (8 Weeks to go).
Wed 13th July Appointment at Hallam Street Hospital (Sandwell Mental Health) at 3.30pm. Saw Dr Berrisford. (10 mins late). Had the usual first time interview. Went very well. He agreed that I was Gender Dysphoric. Did not have a problem with my condition. Said that he would see if he could try and fast track me past the local Psychiatry Dept and Dr Russell Reid. Said that he would try and get me straight through to Leicester. He was going to have to talk to his boss (Dr Khalil, SB Consultant Psychiatrist). He also wrote me a letter to give to Dr Blakey asking if it was possible to prescribe me my HTR on the NHS. Have to see him again on Wednesday 14th September @ 3.15pm. My general impression was that he was very supportive and would do whatever he could to help me. He implied that he had not dealt with a pre-op transsexual before. He did admit that he had dealt with a number of post-op transsexuals that had decided that they had made a mistake. He assured me that it was never to late to change my mine. He did intimate that he thought that I was doing the right thing. All in all a good interview. (He was extremely handsome. HE! HE! HE! Eat your heart out Becky)
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· Mon 22nd Aug had an appointment with Sally (Receptionist’s Name is Lorraine) @ 3.30pm. This was to start a new course of treatment on my testicular area, to clear the hair from the skin that may be used to form part of the inside of the neo-vagina. Sally electric shaved my testicles and then started the Epilight treatment. I was very painful! Luckily it only took about 30 minutes. When I thought it was all over she recommended that I have the sides of my groin done as well. Seeing as we were in that area anyway. I reluctantly agreed to this as she said that she would be gentle. (I should have known better HE! HE! HE! I am sure she has a pain fetish.) That was also very painful. When she had finished that and I once again thought it was all over, she suggests that I finish the job and have the hair at the top of my pubic area removed. I have come to the conclusion that you don’t argue with Sally, once she has made her mind up what is going to be done. So I have ended up with having a bikini hair removal as well as the testicle area done. She said that I would be phoning her up in a couple of weeks to thank her. She is probably right as usual. That treatment cost me £100. It lasted just over one hour. Have made another appointment for 17th October @ 4.30pm for the same again.
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· Wed 24th Aug Sally phoned me up at home at about 6.40pm to see if I was all right after my treatment. She said that she had been worrying about me. I assured her that there had been absolutely no after-effects at all. That was very thoughtful of her. But that’s Sally.
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· Wed 14th Sept Appointment with Dr Berrisford At 3.15pm @ Hallam St Hospital. Not good news so far. He told me that there was a lot of disagreement between his department (Psychiatry) and the psychology department. Dr Berrisford and his boss Dr Khalil (a Lady) think that I should be funded, but the psychology Department think that as I started off going privately then I should continue as such. They do not want to take on the leftovers from the private sector. Dr Berrisford has now written to the head of the local NHS (he did say his name but I can’t remember it) to plead my case. He is now waiting for a reply. He could not commit him self to an opinion as to whether it would go my way or not, though he did feel in his opinion that I should get NHS funding. His boss Dr Khalil also mentioned that I would probably have to go and see Dr Reid for an NHS funded Assessment. He said that for the time being I should not go to see Dr Reid as it may look as if I was playing the two ends in to the middle. I mentioned the fact that I may run out of my hormone medication in the meantime, in which case I would have to contact Dr Reid for another prescription. He agreed that I would have to do that. He finally said that he was leaving the Sandwell NHS and going to Solihull District to work. I joked that perhaps I should follow him over there. He told me that he would leave plenty of notes and advice for the Dr that would be taking over from him. He reiterated that he was still happy that I was doing the right thing. As a matter of interest I asked him why the two post-op Transsexuals that he had mentioned on the previous appointment had changed their minds. He told me that they had sought no professional psychiatric advice and had gone to have their operations privately without any medical referrals. They had also gone through the whole procedure to quickly.
· Mon 17th Oct. Went to the Dr’s walk-in surgery. I had to have my six-month review for my prescription. Dr Blakey has left (in May). I asked to see Dr Simon Butler. (I did not know whether he would be TS friendly or not). He was very pleasant when I walked in. He called me Rebecca (as is correct). He took my blood pressure, which was 130/78. Quite good. I discussed the matter of NHS funding. He looked at the local NHS policy on gender issues and agreed that perhaps I should get funding for my medication, as I appear to have fulfilled all the required criteria. He said that he would write to the PCT (NHS local). He said that he was not familiar with my case but would read all my notes after the surgery had ended. He did say that he was not happy with me taking female hormones with my heart condition, but I told him that I had been to see Dr Barr (Consultant) at Russell’s Hall Hospital. Dr Barr had said that he had no objections to me taking the female hormones, as there were no contraindications with my present medication. I got the impression that he was not Gender friendly or that he was on edge because he had not dealt with this sort of situation before. I will stick with him for now and see how things unfold.
· Mon 9th Nov. Had an appointment with Dr Berrisford or his replacement, it was a temporary replacement. A Dr Something or other. I was kept for the best part of half an hour with no apology. Only to be told that they had not heard off the psychology department yet. I give up half a days work close the shop to be told nothing. They could have written to me with this information. Made an appointment for three months time. Don’t know who its with though! He asked me if I was on medication and what was it. I told him what it was and that it was in my notes (he quite obviously had not read them). He asked if my GP was prescribing the hormones. Then agreed that they were not licensed to do so. I don’t want to see him again. Looks like I will go private after all!!!
· Tues 6th Dec. Had a phone call off Fiona (Dr Khalil’s secretary at Sandwell Mental Health). She informed me that I was applying to the wrong health area. Because the Church Lane Medical Practice is in the North B’ham area I have to apply to them for my funding. She is phoning to tell me she is writing to North B’ham Area Health and will contact me when she has heard off them. (She left her phone number: 0121 607 4063).
Mon 14th Nov. drove to London for appointment with Dr Russell Reid @ 12.30pm. Journey took about 3.25Hours (about normal timing). Got there a bit early so had a walk around a bit. Walked up the Old Brompton Road & turned left into Earls Court Road. Walked all the way up to the main duel carriageway into London. Turned left again and left into the Warwick Road. Walked all the way down to the Old Brompton Road again. (Walked in a circle). Go to Dr Reid’s at 12.15pm. Sue was on reception. Went into the office at 12.30pm prompt. I explained to Russell about the attitude of Sandwell Health Authority. I.e., I started off going for treatment privately so I should continue on that road. Like myself he thought that that was an incorrect decision (not based on medical grounds). He gave me a copy of a newspaper cutting that reported the case of three TS’s up north that had taken there case to court because there local NHS had refused to fund them. He said that it might be worth showing it to my GP. The judge had said that the NHS could not withhold treatment selectively. He dictated a letter that he was going to send to my GP with copies to Sandwell NHS. In the letter he states that he feels that I should be receiving NHS funding for my treatment and surgery so as not to cause my mental health to deteriorate. He said that he would also send me a copy of this letter. He photocopied report/letter that he had received off Dr Berrisford from Sandwell NHS. It was a very complimentary report that supported my transgender leanings in every way.
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· Sat 14th Jan Received my new driving licence off DVLA Swansea.
· Thurs/Fri 19th/20th Jan have more or less made up my mine that I will go privately for my surgery to Thailand (Dr Sanguan Kunaporn in Phuket). Have checked the up to date prices ($8000. = £4789.) They recommend a three-week stay (one week in a hotel to recover).
· Sun 22nd Jan Sent e-mail to Dr Kunaporn to enquire for more details.
· Mon 23rd Jan Received a letter off Sandwell Mental Health to change my appointment from 15th Feb to 12th April 3pm. My appointment is to see a Dr K Mahbouba. Received a reply from Dr Kunaporn asking what field of surgery I was interested in (Sent e-mail reply. Stating again that it was GRS that I was interested in and that I was also enquiring about Jan/Feb 2007 as possible dates.)
· Fri 27th Jan Had E-Mail reply off Dr Kunaporn. He has given me a date. 9th January 2007. Initially that sounds fine.
· Mon 30th Jan Had an appointment with Dr Russell Reid in London 4pm. gave him a copy of Dr Kunaporn’s e-mail. He was quite happy about sending a letter of referral to Thailand. I asked him not to write this in his report to my GP Dr Butler, as I wanted to play the two ends into the middle. This is because the NHS is dragging its feet. He did not have a problem with that request. This is the last time that I will see Russell Reid as he is retiring on the 8th of February 2006. He was very pleasant and wished me well. He said that Dr Richard Curtis is quite capable. At some point I will have to sign a letter to allow Dr Curtis to see my notes off Dr Reid. Also at some time I will have to see Dr Curtis so that he can write my 2nd referral to Dr Kunaporn.
· Fri 3rd Feb Received letter off Dr Butler to say that at last they were going to prescribe my hormones (after two years) but would have to sign a disclaimer letter. Also received a letter off Russell Reid with copies of the letters that he had sent to Dr Butler and Dr Kunaporn.
· Mon 6th Feb Had an appointment with Dr Butler (the walk-in surgery). He explained that they were now able to prescribe my hormones as long as I understood the risks involved and was prepared to sign a disclaimer. He gave me the packet to take to Sandwell hospital for a blood test. The wording on the disclaimer has to be altered so that it reflects the amount of hormone that I take. He appeared unaware of the quantities that I have to administer. I have to go back next Monday to sign the new disclaimer. During that appointment he informed me that my last Cholesterol test was 3.5 (EXELENT). Had an appointment with Linda Heggie @ 11.30am. She had a student sitting in with her. She was quite pleased with my voice. She gave me some lessons on how to speak better on the phone. All went well. CASSIE DIED THIS MORNING WHILST I WAS AT THE DOCTORS. SHE WAS ABOUT 9 YEARS OLD.
Mon 13th Feb Went to see Dr Butler again. He asked me to read the updated disclaimer and sign it if I agreed. This would have to be signed once a year. He gave me a prescription to last 3 months to start with he said that eventually he would make it a 6 month prescription, but he wanted to check my blood pressure for a while (don’t know how long). He also agreed that I must have a blood test every 6 Months. He mention as I was walking out that I did not have to see him at all my appointments, I could see any of the Doctors. (I don’t know whether he was trying to get rid of me. He also made the remark that if this was the way that I wanted to lead my life then so be it. It made me wonder whether he understood the ins and outs of ‘Transgenderism’. I don’t think so!).
· Sat 25th Feb Had letter off Dr Barr. This was a copy letter that he has sent to Dr Kunaporn in Thailand. He also sent a copy letter to Dr Butler At the Handsworth Wood Medical Centre. (That was something that I was hoping that he would not do). The report that he wrote seemed quite good from a layman’s point of view. I don’t feel that there is any reason to be dissatisfied or worried. (I will keep my fingers crossed that Dr Kunaporn does not find any reason to not carry out the surgery).
· Tues 7th March Had phone call off Linda Heggie (The speech therapist) at Sandwell Hospital. The last time that I saw her she said that she would phone to see how I was doing with my voice on the phone. She said that it was very good. She has now discharged me but said that if ever I needed to speak to her about my voice then I was to phone her. I am going to write her a letter of thanks.
Thurs 16th March Received letter off the Gender Identity Clinic in London. It asked me if I wanted to take up the referral that they had received. See attached reply:
Thurs 6th April. Received a letter off the Gender Identity Clinic in London, offering me an appointment on Thursday 6th July 2006. I phoned them [020 7386 1348] when I got home from work at 4.10pm. They said that they would reschedule me for a Monday and let me know. [Don’t they read the letters that you send to them? See link above (Letter confirming my wish)]. Having said that the lady on the phone was very pleasant and helpful.
· Wed 19th April. Started to apply the ‘Meladine’. To my face twice a day (this is to rid myself of grey & white facial hair). I have an appointment with Sally on 5th June for my first face treatment with the ‘Meladine’
· Thurs 27 April. Went on a blind date with Bert from Rushall. [Off the yahoo personals site]. It was an unmitigated disaster. He was not dressed very well. He was to tense. He said that he was not going to have a meal as he was not hungry and did not fancy anything off the menu. I had not eaten since breakfast time I was starving. The date was a non-starter. I stayed for about 1hour. I said that it was not going anywhere. So he got up and left. So much for straight blokes.
· Thurs 11th May. Received a letter off Sandwell Mental Health. Once again they are cancelling my appointment [24th May 2006]. This is the 3rd time they have done this and I have had enough. I have written a letter of complaint, which I posted on 14th, May.
Wed 17th May. Had a Phone call [on my mobile] off Fiona Murdoch [medical secretary to Dr Khalil]. She said that she had received my letter of compliant. She was extremely sorry that this situation had arisen. She gave me the reasons why the appointments had been changed but added that that was no excuse. It had been far to long since I had seen one of the Drs. She offered me an appointment on the following Monday 22nd May @ 2:30pm to see Dr Khalil, SB. I must admit I was a bit surprised at the result. I think that it is the first time that I have had such a positive result from a letter of complaint.
· Mon 22nd May. Went to my appointment at Sandwell Mental Health with Dr Khalil SB. She was on time with her appointments. Having said which I think that I was the first appointment in the afternoon. With a name like Khalil you would think that she was Asian. She was nothing like it. If anything she looked a little Italian???. Ah Well. She was very pleasant. She greeted me well and then apologized for the business over the appointments. I replied that it was all sorted now so no harm done. She asked me how I was getting along. She went over my case, verifying the main points. [How long had I been full time. Did I feel comfortable with it, and other questions of a similar nature? She did ask me on two occasions whether I had had any gender surgery yet. [I think that they had received a copy of the letter that Dr Barr wrote to Dr Kunaporn out in Thailand. Why else would she ask that question twice?] I told her that I had received an appointment to see a Dr Lorimer at the Gender Clinic in London. She explained that she was a physiatrist where as they in London were Physiologists. She advised me that they would ask me more in depth questions about my reasoning as to why I thought that I was female. She finished off the appointment by saying that she had met me she would keep me on her list. She will see me in six months time. Monday 27th November 2006 @ 3:15pm.
· Thurs 1st June. Had a blind date with Brian at the ‘Plough and Harrow ‘ on the Chester road. Quite nice man and a pleasant evening. But, I had to keep the conversation going nearly all night long. It was eventually hard work. Even I was running out of subjects to talk about. Don’t think that I will meet him again.
· Sat 3rd June. Mother moved out of the house. I got home from work today to find that she had packed up and moved. At last. I had a feeling that she would have moved out as I drove up the cul-de-sac. Call it premonition. She has moved to Ross-On-Wye. Margerate and Andrew and David obviously moved her. She took all her furniture including her carpets. [I do not have a problem with this. It had to happen.] They turned off the power at the main switch so that the freezers were almost defrosted. The cooker wire was just cut. As apposed to being disconnected safely. They had cut the power cable to my TV in the kitchen and my computers ect also the pull cords to the bathroom light and shower and vanity light. Smashed some panes in the French doors. Cut all the rope on the rotary line. Smeared brown sauce up the walls in the kitchen. I think that it was meant to look like something else brown. [How extremely childish]. It has taken the best part of two weeks to get the place straight again. It was absolutely filthy. I thought that she was supposed to be cleaning the common parts of the house. [The parts that were used by the two of us]. It had not been touched for ages. The grease on the wall behind the cooker took three applications of soda cleaning spray. The bathroom was not much better. But it is all sparkling now [Two weeks on]. You could eat your food off the floor..
· Mon 5th June. Had an appointment with Sally @ 5pm. This is to start to have my remaining grey facial hair removed with ‘Epilight’ using the ‘Meladine’ solution. My face was quite burnt in a few places. I hope that that is a good sign. It will be a couple of weeks before we will know.
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· Mon 19th June. My first appointment for treatment at the dentist in about 30years (Deeba Bashir). She cleaned some of my bottom left teeth and filled the top tooth that had the hole through the middle. She was very gentle. It has given me a lot of confidence in her. I will not have a problem going to the dentist again.
· Sun 25th June. Took Sasha to stay at Sherri’s & Keith’s. I was most worried about her. She has never stayed with strangers before or been away from home without me. Drove to London for my 1st appointment at the Gender Clinic (Charring Cross Hospital). Went to see where the clinic was (Hammersmith) before driving back out of London to the ‘Travel Lodge’ just after Junction 3 eastbound of the M4. (£26.00 bed only).
· Mon 26th June. Drove into London the next morning at about 7.20am. It only took about 20 minutes to get there. Parked the car and put 4 hours in the meter (£6.40p). Walked into Hammersmith to find somewhere for breakfast. There is a small shopping centre accessed through the subway underneath the flyover. Walked straight through to the High street and found a ‘Café Nero’. Had a couple of Espressos and a chicken, spinach and tomato sandwich. Sarah phoned to ask if there was any nastiness in my street. Someone had fired a shotgun pellet into her car. I told her that it would not have happened around where I lived. She had forgot that I was coming to London even though I had told her on Saturday. Walked back to the car outside the clinic (it is about 15/20 mins walk). Phoned Sherri to see how Sasha was then went into the clinic. I was early it was about 9.20am (my appointment was 9.30am with Dr Lorimer [Psychiatrist]. When I got there they said that he had been delayed on the underground (flooding) on his way into work. I was called into the surgery at 9.50am. He was most apologetic about keeping my waiting. He was obviously a very pleasant man. About late 30s to early 40s. I was immediately relaxed with him. I gave him a very brief overview of my situation and then let him ask all his questions. It was not too dissimilar to my interview with Dr Berrisford in Sandwell. (I actually get used to telling the story. But it doesn’t matter how many times you tell it, you always remember something else or new. I think mainly because each person will ask a few different questions or ask the question in a different way or even probe a little deeper. But the basics are always the same.) He was quite chatty. Revealing some of the things that TS’s get up to, to gain approval with the Doctors. Even saying, “that they are full time” but will Change into female attire in the toilet in Hammersmith town. He was very positive with me. He actually commented that he would not have a problem with my ‘Gender Change’ and he felt that when I came back in 3 months to see another Doctor the result would be exactly the same. (He said that I need to see another Psychiatrist at the clinic, as this was there way of doing things). He commented on how pleased he was that I have been very sensible and constructive over the past 2 two and a half years. He was also impressed at how organised I was in my life and in supplying information to him. He said that he could not see a problem in putting me forward for surgery (ie. Writing a referral to a surgeon). I asked whether I would have to start the two-year life experience all over again. His answer was a definite NO. He was quite happy to move the situation on straight away. I asked about the length of waiting times for surgery. He commented that they were not as long as people thought (about 4 months). In the meantime he would write to my GP and explain what was going on, and that he would have to apply the local NHS for funding for surgery. How long this would take is anyone’s guess. I commented that once we had acquired funding we would then have to start the process with the surgeons. He replied that once we knew that we were going to get funding we could then start moving forward where the surgeons were concerned. The problem might occur that they allocate funding in a future financial year as apposed to this or the next financial year (2007). He also said that they could not withhold funding. I asked him about choice of surgeon to which he replied that I would have to hake that up with my local health authority. He did not instil any confidence in me with that remark. I made the comment about surgeons in other countries. (Really I only wanted to see what his reaction would be. There was no noticeable reaction. I then remarked that surgeons in Thailand were the best. Again no noticeable reaction.) I then raised the subject of me losing control of the ongoing procedures. He said that really the only part I had no control over was the funding issue with the local NHS. At some point during the interview he mentioned that he was not happy that I was on ‘Oestrogel’. He is of the opinion that it gives unnaturally high Oestrogen readings. He also mentioned that he might like to see me taking an ‘Antiandroged’. He said that he would like to see my Testosterone level at about one or two and my oestrogen levels at between 400 & 600. He sent me for a blood test at the main Charring Cross Hospital. I had to wait about 45mins to be seen. I drove out of London at about 12.25pm.
To sum up I would be of the opinion that the Gender clinic in London is a very pleasant & helpful place to start your transition. They are most informative. They appear to be kind and concerned. If I were
just starting my change now I would have no hesitation in going through the NHS system. Also in some respects it is a shame that I do not want my surgery in this country as apposed to Thailand. But as I am well aware the standards of treatment in Asia are far superior to this country (The United Kingdom). For this reason I will continue to plan for January 9th in Phuket with Dr Kunaporn. Having said that I intend to keep my next appointment at the Gender Clinic in about 3 months time. It is sensible to keep all your options open. (An observation re: Dr Russell Reid. It is said that he is to quick in diagnosing GID. Yet this Dr Lorimer was extremely quick in coming to a diagnosis of GID Like one and a half hours!! Should anything be read into that?) The treatment I received was contrary to what I had heard around the Gender community.
· Wed 28th June. Received my documents back from the Pass Port office. A note was attached to say my Pass Port would arrive in a separate envelope. Sent E-Mail to Dr Kunaporn to see if he had received my referral and medical report. This was the second E-Mail asking this question.
· Thurs 29th June My new Pass Port arrived in my new name and gender. Sent another E-Mail to Dr Kunaporn, Re: my GRS (e-mail as follows: 29th June 2006Dear Dr Kunaporn, Did you receive the referral off Dr Russell Reid and My medical report off Dr C S Barr. Yours Sincerely Rebecca.
· Sun 2nd June 2006. Had reply e-mail off Dr Kunaporn. As follows: [Dear Rebecca I have received a letter from Dr. C S Barr already. It stated that you have minor residual coronary heart, disease, hypertension and hypercholesterolemia. So I assume that you are fit for the surgery but need to stop some medicine 2 weeks before surgery including, Aspirin, and hormone. So I confirm your surgery in January 2007.
Regards Sanguan Kunaporn.
Well things are certainly starting to move along now. We can jump ahead to 6th November 2006. I have booked my flight to Thailand today. Depart Birmingham International 12.20pm Saturday 6th January 2007. Have to change Planes at Charles De Gaulle and Bangkok. I fly back on Saturday 27th January. Depart Phuket at 7. 40pm, via Bangkok and Amsterdam. To arrive Birmingham 8.55am Sunday 28th Jan 2007
Have more or less sorted out my finance now. Just have to dot the I’s and cross the T’s.
People keep asking me if I am worried or nervous about the whole affair. I think that at this point in time I am so busy trying to get everything organizes that I have not had time to be worried. Also I think that I have got to the point that being totally comfortable with my decision to go ahead with this life changing surgery you have to hand over to the surgeon at some point. I think that that point has now arrived. Although I am the sort of person that likes to do everything myself, and although I hate to admit it even I have to accept that this operation is a tad beyond my capabilities. [I think that I should stick to Hairdressing and diy.]
December 12th Bought the larger part of my Currency today [US Dollars] will have to still have to take some more Dollars as I am going to ask Sanguan if it is possible to have breast augmentation at the same time. Well as they say “In for a Dollar in for a Pound”. May as well try and get top and tailed at the same time. Will need to get some of the local currency as well [Thai Bharts].
Have been to the solicitors a few time recently to get a will written. I don’t think that I can leave these things to chance.
I am getting a bit fed up of organising myself now. If I was to give anyone any advice about all this, then I would say don’t do it all on your own. Get someone to help you make arrangements. I am getting quite physically tired of it all now. I will glad when I am on the plane and I can say to myself “well what I have not done now is to bad”. It will be nice to get there and have a rest. Even though I am having major surgery, at least I will be able to lounge in bed for two weeks after. That has got to be pure bliss. A friend told my that that would never happen, as I would be ready to get up and at them almost immediately after the op.
Have more or less sorted out my finance now. Just have to dot the I’s and cross the T’s.
People keep asking me if I am worried or nervous about the whole affair. I think that at this point in time I am so busy trying to get everything organizes that I have not had time to be worried. Also I think that I have got to the point that being totally comfortable with my decision to go ahead with this life changing surgery you have to hand over to the surgeon at some point. I think that that point has now arrived. Although I am the sort of person that likes to do everything myself, and although I hate to admit it even I have to accept that this operation is a tad beyond my capabilities. [I think that I should stick to Hairdressing and diy.]
December 12th Bought the larger part of my Currency today [US Dollars] will have to still have to take some more Dollars as I am going to ask Sanguan if it is possible to have breast augmentation at the same time. Well as they say “In for a Dollar in for a Pound”. May as well try and get top and tailed at the same time. Will need to get some of the local currency as well [Thai Bharts].
Have been to the solicitors a few time recently to get a will written. I don’t think that I can leave these things to chance.
I am getting a bit fed up of organising myself now. If I was to give anyone any advice about all this, then I would say don’t do it all on your own. Get someone to help you make arrangements. I am getting quite physically tired of it all now. I will glad when I am on the plane and I can say to myself “well what I have not done now is to bad”. It will be nice to get there and have a rest. Even though I am having major surgery, at least I will be able to lounge in bed for two weeks after. That has got to be pure bliss. A friend told my that that would never happen, as I would be ready to get up and at them almost immediately after the op.
Saturday 16th December.
Counting the days now. Only 24 to go!!
I have been grinning nearly all day today. One of my clients [a friend] asked me if I had realised that this was the last christmas that I would be carrying a male body around with me. [She always did have a way with words]. He! He!
27th Dec 2006 bought more currency to day$3000 & 12900 Thai Bharts,
Christmas 2006. This has got to be the best Christmas I have ever had [certainly in the last ten years]. Everything went just as it should. But you must remember that all the time I am counting the days. And it is just about here now.
Saturday 30th December 2006. Had a dinner party for all my old friends. Elizabeth, Joan, Elsa, Chris & I also invited Sally [Laser]. It went absolutely great. Nothing went wrong at all. It was all perfect. [Except I cooked too much as usual].
Wednesday 3rd January 2007. Spoke to Dr Sanguan Kunaporn today. He said that all the arrangements were on schedule and a car would pick me up from the Metropole Hotel at 9am on Monday 8th January 2007 to take me to the hospital. That really put my mind at rest. I was starting to panic a little. I have been on a high all day after speaking to Dr Kunaporn. I was so overwhelmed with speaking to him that I forgot to ask him is he was going to be able to do a breast augmentation at the same time as my GRS. So I still don’t know whether I am going to have a boob job or not while I am out there.
The cards that I have been getting off my clients at work and off friends are absolutely amazing. It is so reassuring to know that there are a lot of caring people out there. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all your good & caring wishes that you have sent to me.
Thursday 4th January 2007. Took Sasha [My baby] to stay with Liz and Sarah this evening. I was so worried that she would be upset and timid, but need I have worried? Not on your life. She settled in so quickly that, it was as if she had always lived there. She went exploring in the kitchen on her own with out being asked. Some people say dumb animals. I won’t hear a word of it. She has obviously listened to all I have said to her over the last couple of weeks about going to a foster home for three weeks. I came to the conclusion that I was the one to be upset not her, as I thought it would be. It was most strange the next morning waking up and she was not there.
Friday 5th January 2007. My last day at work before I fly to Thailand. God I have worked hard this week. I have tried to accommodate my entire clientele before I go. I don’t think anyone was disappointed. I have already packed my suitcase about three times, but it all has to come out again tonight. You would think that I was going for six months by the amount that I have packed. But it is getting whittled down slowly.
Saturday 6th January 2007. Well finally after waiting the best part of a lifetime the day is here to start the journey to a place where the mistake that nature made will be corrected. I am not looking forward to the actual journey itself. I will be travelling for about twenty hours. The longest stage being about eleven hours. My friend Keith is taking me to B’Ham International. He is picking me up at 9am. No problems with the traffic on the M6. I think that it only took us about 30 mins to get there.
Just my luck when we got to the airport the check in computer was down. I did not go through the check in till about 11.15am. Then the flight was about one hour late taking off. I did not mind that as the wait at Charles De Gaulle airport was about 4hrs 30mins. Flight was good [City Jet]. About 1hr 30mins.
Charles De Gaulle airport. Well what can I say? I am not an experienced flier, but I now crap when I see it. You are told nothing and shown nowhere. Considering that English is the first world language, to be at a French International airport either shows up there pure ignorance of other languages or shows how rude, crass and self adoring they are. Nobody makes the effort to try and communicate with you; they just shrug their shoulders. Retail purchases are expensive; their toilets are filthy [Shudder/yuk]. Their general attitude is “Welcome! You have now arrived at the centre of the world.
Boarded the flight to Bangkok on time [Air France again]. Once again we were about 1hr late in departing. I was concerned at this, as the wait at Bangkok airport was only 1hr 20mins for my next connection. The pilot did say that they would catch up a bit of time, as there was a tail wind [Probably a lot French hot air (wink, garlic wink). Flight was reasonably good if not a little uncomfortable. [But then all long haul fights are]. After about 6/7 hours I started to get cramps in my thigh. I ended up standing for about 1hr at the hostess’s station. That was probably about the best part of the journey. There were plenty of cold drinks at the station and it is surprising how many people cannot sleep. So they go for a walk and a chat with anybody that they pass. I don’t think that I did to bad. I did doze and sleep most of the flight. We made up a little time that was lost in delay at the start, but not all of it.
Arrive Bangkok about 1pm local time. Gives me about 1hr 5mins to get from international arrivals to domestic departures. I had been told that this was the biggest and most difficult airport to find your way around. Well I have only one word to say about that opinion. TOSH! It is the nicest, cleanest most well organised place I have ever had the good fortune to visit. The airport itself is so attractive; you could almost have a holiday right there. From the second that you enter the arrivals you know exactly where to go. It is so well signposted. You just get on these moving walkways and follow Domestic departures. There was a fair distance to go but it only took about 20 mins. And you just stand there on these walkways. [Brilliant].
Checked into Thai Airlines desk, [Smiles and bows off everyone. It is surprising how quickly you pick up the habit. (Prayer hands & bow). It is absolutely fantastic. And they mean it. Christ I have only got as far as the airport and I already want to live here.
The whether in Bangkok is hot and clear. It’s lovely. Hope it is the same in Phuket.
Boarded the Thai Airlines flight on time. They said that we would be leaving on time and it would only take about 1hr to Phuket. True to their word we took off 5mins early and it took exactly 1hr. But I could not believe it. When we landed it was raining like nothing on earth. I thought where have I come to. I may as well have stayed in B’Ham and called the local plumber in to do my op. At least it would have been dryer.
Went through immigration no problem. And Then! Oh No! Baggage collection. It just had to happen to me. No suitcase. Checked at the lost luggage desk. A really pleasant girl looked at all my documentation, made a telephone call AND! Said that my bag was sill in Bangkok, BUT! Not to worry she has spoken to the up in Bangkok and it would be on the next available flight tonight, she guaranteed it. She said not to worry; they would deliver it to my hotel later that night. But just in case I told her that I would be in Phuket Plastic Surgery hospital after that. She said that that would not be needed, as it would be delivered to the Metropole Hotel tonight. Took taxi to hotel 4oo Bharts [£6 aprox. About 30mins drive]. Checked in and went straight up to my room. It is really nice. Very spacious. Nice and clean. Very colonial looking. Now I have the problem what to wear tonight to go for a meal. Everything is in my suitcase in Bangkok. So all I can do is just tart up what I already have on. [Combat trousers and a tee shirt]. I just put a cream scarf with it. Not to bad. It’s still raining. So I stay in the hotel. The have this Chinese restaurant on the second floor, so I decide to eat there. Lets have a really good meal before my rebirth. Best Chinese I have ever had, plus a couple of glasses of wine. Brill! Next stop ‘The Lobby Lounge’. Couple of brandy’s and a load of text messages later the penny at last drops. I am here. The only thing I ever really wanted in life is about to happen. What more can I say.
They have a piano player and a singer in the lounge. Sounds daft but it looks something off a James Bond Movie. Sat in the lounge bar at the Metropole, overlooking the lights of central Phuket, through the door you can see the main reception area, which looks as if it has just walked out of the colonial period. Enormous marble columns, ceiling high mirrors, attendants in gold jackets bowing to all the clientele. As I leave to go to bed I bow to the singer politely whilst mouthing thank you. She bows back and says “thank you madam”. Just who would not want to live here? Get to my room about 10pm. The phone rings. The receptionist says that my bag has arrived and will send a boy up with it. When they say they will do something here in Thailand, you had better believe it.
Booked an early morning call 6am. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. Monday 8th January 2007.Went down to breakfast. How much do you like Chinese food? Have you ever fancied it for breakfast? It’s quite an experience. But very pleasant. I have not got a clue what it was that I was eating though. All the labels were in Thai.
Settled my bill at reception [Get this. A full Chinese meal, three glasses of wine & two brandy’s aprox £21. I shake my head in wonderment].
The driver picks me up at 9am. Takes me to Phuket Hospital. Hands me over to a porter that says to follow him to reception. I book in, name, address, passport ect. Then have blood pressure, pulse & x-ray done. This is all in the outpatient’s dept. I am then taken through to my room.
A very pleasant room with its own bathroom and it also has a balcony overlooking a lake. Sorry building site. It’s not to bad though. Not much noise at all. It appears that they have different working practices here that we have at home in the UK. Lunch starts here at 9am till 12noon they then appear to do some work and then the have another break from about 1pm. I don’t know what time that break finishes.
The nurse gave me a brief run through about what would happen today. She is a lovely person but the only bit I caught was about clearing out my bowels. Typical of me only to hear the grotty bits. A little while later two nurses arrived and did an ECG and my blood pressure again. [She said that my BP was good 110/80]Had lunch more Chinese food yum yum. [What I have just had is there equivalent of NHS grub. That is where the similarity stops. I had chicken with ginger and black pepper and rice. You could not get much better in a restaurant. The nurse brought me a little welcome gift. Some cookies and some yoghurt drinks, all tied up in a bow with a welcome card. She has had my laptop connected to the Internet for me by a little man that she knows. [Her words not mine.] Mind you he was not so little! Right it is now 2.30pm. The nurse came back again just now and brought me a newspaper. Well there you are you now know as much as me. Oh buy the way they have started work outside again. Don’t know how long for though.
Christmas 2006. This has got to be the best Christmas I have ever had [certainly in the last ten years]. Everything went just as it should. But you must remember that all the time I am counting the days. And it is just about here now.
Saturday 30th December 2006. Had a dinner party for all my old friends. Elizabeth, Joan, Elsa, Chris & I also invited Sally [Laser]. It went absolutely great. Nothing went wrong at all. It was all perfect. [Except I cooked too much as usual].
Wednesday 3rd January 2007. Spoke to Dr Sanguan Kunaporn today. He said that all the arrangements were on schedule and a car would pick me up from the Metropole Hotel at 9am on Monday 8th January 2007 to take me to the hospital. That really put my mind at rest. I was starting to panic a little. I have been on a high all day after speaking to Dr Kunaporn. I was so overwhelmed with speaking to him that I forgot to ask him is he was going to be able to do a breast augmentation at the same time as my GRS. So I still don’t know whether I am going to have a boob job or not while I am out there.
The cards that I have been getting off my clients at work and off friends are absolutely amazing. It is so reassuring to know that there are a lot of caring people out there. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all your good & caring wishes that you have sent to me.
Thursday 4th January 2007. Took Sasha [My baby] to stay with Liz and Sarah this evening. I was so worried that she would be upset and timid, but need I have worried? Not on your life. She settled in so quickly that, it was as if she had always lived there. She went exploring in the kitchen on her own with out being asked. Some people say dumb animals. I won’t hear a word of it. She has obviously listened to all I have said to her over the last couple of weeks about going to a foster home for three weeks. I came to the conclusion that I was the one to be upset not her, as I thought it would be. It was most strange the next morning waking up and she was not there.
Friday 5th January 2007. My last day at work before I fly to Thailand. God I have worked hard this week. I have tried to accommodate my entire clientele before I go. I don’t think anyone was disappointed. I have already packed my suitcase about three times, but it all has to come out again tonight. You would think that I was going for six months by the amount that I have packed. But it is getting whittled down slowly.
Saturday 6th January 2007. Well finally after waiting the best part of a lifetime the day is here to start the journey to a place where the mistake that nature made will be corrected. I am not looking forward to the actual journey itself. I will be travelling for about twenty hours. The longest stage being about eleven hours. My friend Keith is taking me to B’Ham International. He is picking me up at 9am. No problems with the traffic on the M6. I think that it only took us about 30 mins to get there.
Just my luck when we got to the airport the check in computer was down. I did not go through the check in till about 11.15am. Then the flight was about one hour late taking off. I did not mind that as the wait at Charles De Gaulle airport was about 4hrs 30mins. Flight was good [City Jet]. About 1hr 30mins.
Charles De Gaulle airport. Well what can I say? I am not an experienced flier, but I now crap when I see it. You are told nothing and shown nowhere. Considering that English is the first world language, to be at a French International airport either shows up there pure ignorance of other languages or shows how rude, crass and self adoring they are. Nobody makes the effort to try and communicate with you; they just shrug their shoulders. Retail purchases are expensive; their toilets are filthy [Shudder/yuk]. Their general attitude is “Welcome! You have now arrived at the centre of the world.
Boarded the flight to Bangkok on time [Air France again]. Once again we were about 1hr late in departing. I was concerned at this, as the wait at Bangkok airport was only 1hr 20mins for my next connection. The pilot did say that they would catch up a bit of time, as there was a tail wind [Probably a lot French hot air (wink, garlic wink). Flight was reasonably good if not a little uncomfortable. [But then all long haul fights are]. After about 6/7 hours I started to get cramps in my thigh. I ended up standing for about 1hr at the hostess’s station. That was probably about the best part of the journey. There were plenty of cold drinks at the station and it is surprising how many people cannot sleep. So they go for a walk and a chat with anybody that they pass. I don’t think that I did to bad. I did doze and sleep most of the flight. We made up a little time that was lost in delay at the start, but not all of it.
Arrive Bangkok about 1pm local time. Gives me about 1hr 5mins to get from international arrivals to domestic departures. I had been told that this was the biggest and most difficult airport to find your way around. Well I have only one word to say about that opinion. TOSH! It is the nicest, cleanest most well organised place I have ever had the good fortune to visit. The airport itself is so attractive; you could almost have a holiday right there. From the second that you enter the arrivals you know exactly where to go. It is so well signposted. You just get on these moving walkways and follow Domestic departures. There was a fair distance to go but it only took about 20 mins. And you just stand there on these walkways. [Brilliant].
Checked into Thai Airlines desk, [Smiles and bows off everyone. It is surprising how quickly you pick up the habit. (Prayer hands & bow). It is absolutely fantastic. And they mean it. Christ I have only got as far as the airport and I already want to live here.
The whether in Bangkok is hot and clear. It’s lovely. Hope it is the same in Phuket.
Boarded the Thai Airlines flight on time. They said that we would be leaving on time and it would only take about 1hr to Phuket. True to their word we took off 5mins early and it took exactly 1hr. But I could not believe it. When we landed it was raining like nothing on earth. I thought where have I come to. I may as well have stayed in B’Ham and called the local plumber in to do my op. At least it would have been dryer.
Went through immigration no problem. And Then! Oh No! Baggage collection. It just had to happen to me. No suitcase. Checked at the lost luggage desk. A really pleasant girl looked at all my documentation, made a telephone call AND! Said that my bag was sill in Bangkok, BUT! Not to worry she has spoken to the up in Bangkok and it would be on the next available flight tonight, she guaranteed it. She said not to worry; they would deliver it to my hotel later that night. But just in case I told her that I would be in Phuket Plastic Surgery hospital after that. She said that that would not be needed, as it would be delivered to the Metropole Hotel tonight. Took taxi to hotel 4oo Bharts [£6 aprox. About 30mins drive]. Checked in and went straight up to my room. It is really nice. Very spacious. Nice and clean. Very colonial looking. Now I have the problem what to wear tonight to go for a meal. Everything is in my suitcase in Bangkok. So all I can do is just tart up what I already have on. [Combat trousers and a tee shirt]. I just put a cream scarf with it. Not to bad. It’s still raining. So I stay in the hotel. The have this Chinese restaurant on the second floor, so I decide to eat there. Lets have a really good meal before my rebirth. Best Chinese I have ever had, plus a couple of glasses of wine. Brill! Next stop ‘The Lobby Lounge’. Couple of brandy’s and a load of text messages later the penny at last drops. I am here. The only thing I ever really wanted in life is about to happen. What more can I say.
They have a piano player and a singer in the lounge. Sounds daft but it looks something off a James Bond Movie. Sat in the lounge bar at the Metropole, overlooking the lights of central Phuket, through the door you can see the main reception area, which looks as if it has just walked out of the colonial period. Enormous marble columns, ceiling high mirrors, attendants in gold jackets bowing to all the clientele. As I leave to go to bed I bow to the singer politely whilst mouthing thank you. She bows back and says “thank you madam”. Just who would not want to live here? Get to my room about 10pm. The phone rings. The receptionist says that my bag has arrived and will send a boy up with it. When they say they will do something here in Thailand, you had better believe it.
Booked an early morning call 6am. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. Monday 8th January 2007.Went down to breakfast. How much do you like Chinese food? Have you ever fancied it for breakfast? It’s quite an experience. But very pleasant. I have not got a clue what it was that I was eating though. All the labels were in Thai.
Settled my bill at reception [Get this. A full Chinese meal, three glasses of wine & two brandy’s aprox £21. I shake my head in wonderment].
The driver picks me up at 9am. Takes me to Phuket Hospital. Hands me over to a porter that says to follow him to reception. I book in, name, address, passport ect. Then have blood pressure, pulse & x-ray done. This is all in the outpatient’s dept. I am then taken through to my room.
A very pleasant room with its own bathroom and it also has a balcony overlooking a lake. Sorry building site. It’s not to bad though. Not much noise at all. It appears that they have different working practices here that we have at home in the UK. Lunch starts here at 9am till 12noon they then appear to do some work and then the have another break from about 1pm. I don’t know what time that break finishes.
The nurse gave me a brief run through about what would happen today. She is a lovely person but the only bit I caught was about clearing out my bowels. Typical of me only to hear the grotty bits. A little while later two nurses arrived and did an ECG and my blood pressure again. [She said that my BP was good 110/80]Had lunch more Chinese food yum yum. [What I have just had is there equivalent of NHS grub. That is where the similarity stops. I had chicken with ginger and black pepper and rice. You could not get much better in a restaurant. The nurse brought me a little welcome gift. Some cookies and some yoghurt drinks, all tied up in a bow with a welcome card. She has had my laptop connected to the Internet for me by a little man that she knows. [Her words not mine.] Mind you he was not so little! Right it is now 2.30pm. The nurse came back again just now and brought me a newspaper. Well there you are you now know as much as me. Oh buy the way they have started work outside again. Don’t know how long for though.
3.45pm Dr Kunaporn came to see me. He examined my genital area first to see what depth he could achieve. He thought about 4/5 inches. He said that was about normal. To which I replied that at my age that was good enough. After all I am not hoping to be some “Scarlet O’Hara”. He them examined my breast area. He asked what size did I want to be. I said about a C cup. That C was quite big enough for me; I did not want to be a “Jordan”. He has measured and marked all my chest area just like you see on the TV cosmetic shows. He said that I would be going down to surgery at 9am in the morning [9/1/2007]. That is about 2am GMT.
A little while later the anaesthetist came in to see me. We discussed my heart condition and medication that I take. He was quite happy with it all. He explained what would happen, where putting me to sleep ect was concerned. He also told me not to panic if when I woke up from the surgery I still had a pipe down my throat. This was normal procedure after such a long operation. [About 9 hours].
A little while later the anaesthetist came in to see me. We discussed my heart condition and medication that I take. He was quite happy with it all. He explained what would happen, where putting me to sleep ect was concerned. He also told me not to panic if when I woke up from the surgery I still had a pipe down my throat. This was normal procedure after such a long operation. [About 9 hours].
I have just popped to the room next to mine to visit a girl that had her GRS on the 5th last Friday. She seems to be recovering really well. A think that she is absolutely fantastic. She is 72 years old. I think she said that she was from North Carolina. In the USA. Absolutely brilliant. She only looks about 60.
I had to leave her quickly and rush back from her room as the laxative that I had been given at 4pm was about to prove its worth.
If I was of the faith then at this point I think I would be uttering words such as - Holly mother of Mary, Oh be Jesus. I think the bottom has just dropped out of my world. I thought that my intestines were coming as well. Who needs colonic irrigation when
I had to leave her quickly and rush back from her room as the laxative that I had been given at 4pm was about to prove its worth.
If I was of the faith then at this point I think I would be uttering words such as - Holly mother of Mary, Oh be Jesus. I think the bottom has just dropped out of my world. I thought that my intestines were coming as well. Who needs colonic irrigation when
there are laxatives like this? It’s better than going on a diet.
9pm. They came to shave my bits. I think that the one nurse was teaching the other one how to do it. I went in the loo after to shave it again and to make sure it was done right. I have to take a “Valium” in a bit to put me to sleep. They say I have to have a good night sleep tonight. Don’t know if this is the last good night I am going to have for a while.
Tuesday 9th January 2007. Woke up at about 5.45am. [Normal for me]. About 7,45am the nurses came and connected me to a saline drip and took blood for testing.
8.45 They took me to the operating theatre. They got me all settled and then we waited around for about 45mins for the anaesthetist. If you have ever been in an operating room you will know that it is kept chilled.
About 9.45am I was put to sleep [With a smile on my face. The last thing I can remember is thinking “at last”].
I came to in the ICU dept I think it was getting on for 7pm. I was panicking when I woke up as they were taking the breathing tube out of my throat. It did not hurt. It’s just a bit of a surprise to be gagging and you don’t quite know why because you are disorientated.
I was in ICU about 16 hours. The early part of which I was quite dopey.
I was aware of my new boobs as the were aching [not hurting. Just a dull ache]. The crazy thing was I thought that they had not done my GRS. I could not feel anything. It really was as if nothing had happened. I could not sit up to have a look. When I put my hand down under the bedclothes there was no feeling at all. In the end I was really panicking. I had come all this way and they had not done it. Eventually I called a nurse and asked her why the had not done my GRS. She smiled the most fantastic smile as only the Thai’s can. She took my hand and in the worst English I have ever heard she tried to say we are now sisters. She then explained that I would not feel anything because of the painkillers.
It was just before 11am when they brought me back to my room. It was good to be back in my temporary home again.
I am now confined to bed certainly for the next two days. I am hoping that they will let me walk about a bit on Thursday. Having said that you cannot go far as you are [as in neo vagina] connected to a vacuum device that produces a negative pressure in side the vaginal tunnel to enhance granulation tissue growth. So all in I look a right sight what with a tube coming out of my vagina another to wee through a saline drip in my hand and then to top it all a drain tube coming out of each new breast.
Anybody that is planning to go through GRS take my word for it there is absolutely no pain at all, except for the dammed ice pack they keep between your legs. I gets to the point were you are reluctant to tell them that the ice pack is no longer ice. I mean we all like an ice-lolly on a hot day, but between your legs. I don’t think so.
Where pain is involved the only uncomfortable bit is the boob job. Every time that you try to move in the bed you obviously use your hands to lift yourself, and girl does every thing pull or does it pull. It is amazing the methods that you adopt to get around a bed.
Thursday 11th January 2007 [I think] I am starting to lose track of time. Sanguan said that he would come and see me to day and perhaps take the drain tubes out of my new boobs. He said yesterday that I was not bleeding very much so he did hope to take then out. [Fingers crossed] I am also hoping that they will let me out of bed, even if it is only to sit in a chair. They do let you disconnect from the vacuum pump for short periods. But they don’t advise long periods as it impedes healing. Well it is 7.15am Thai time [12.15am your time] I have been awake since about 3.30am. Can’t sleep. I am so pleased that I brought my laptop with me; I don’t know what I would have done with my time otherwise. Just waiting for breakfast now.
8.45 They took me to the operating theatre. They got me all settled and then we waited around for about 45mins for the anaesthetist. If you have ever been in an operating room you will know that it is kept chilled.
About 9.45am I was put to sleep [With a smile on my face. The last thing I can remember is thinking “at last”].
I came to in the ICU dept I think it was getting on for 7pm. I was panicking when I woke up as they were taking the breathing tube out of my throat. It did not hurt. It’s just a bit of a surprise to be gagging and you don’t quite know why because you are disorientated.
I was in ICU about 16 hours. The early part of which I was quite dopey.
I was aware of my new boobs as the were aching [not hurting. Just a dull ache]. The crazy thing was I thought that they had not done my GRS. I could not feel anything. It really was as if nothing had happened. I could not sit up to have a look. When I put my hand down under the bedclothes there was no feeling at all. In the end I was really panicking. I had come all this way and they had not done it. Eventually I called a nurse and asked her why the had not done my GRS. She smiled the most fantastic smile as only the Thai’s can. She took my hand and in the worst English I have ever heard she tried to say we are now sisters. She then explained that I would not feel anything because of the painkillers.
It was just before 11am when they brought me back to my room. It was good to be back in my temporary home again.
I am now confined to bed certainly for the next two days. I am hoping that they will let me walk about a bit on Thursday. Having said that you cannot go far as you are [as in neo vagina] connected to a vacuum device that produces a negative pressure in side the vaginal tunnel to enhance granulation tissue growth. So all in I look a right sight what with a tube coming out of my vagina another to wee through a saline drip in my hand and then to top it all a drain tube coming out of each new breast.
Anybody that is planning to go through GRS take my word for it there is absolutely no pain at all, except for the dammed ice pack they keep between your legs. I gets to the point were you are reluctant to tell them that the ice pack is no longer ice. I mean we all like an ice-lolly on a hot day, but between your legs. I don’t think so.
Where pain is involved the only uncomfortable bit is the boob job. Every time that you try to move in the bed you obviously use your hands to lift yourself, and girl does every thing pull or does it pull. It is amazing the methods that you adopt to get around a bed.
Thursday 11th January 2007 [I think] I am starting to lose track of time. Sanguan said that he would come and see me to day and perhaps take the drain tubes out of my new boobs. He said yesterday that I was not bleeding very much so he did hope to take then out. [Fingers crossed] I am also hoping that they will let me out of bed, even if it is only to sit in a chair. They do let you disconnect from the vacuum pump for short periods. But they don’t advise long periods as it impedes healing. Well it is 7.15am Thai time [12.15am your time] I have been awake since about 3.30am. Can’t sleep. I am so pleased that I brought my laptop with me; I don’t know what I would have done with my time otherwise. Just waiting for breakfast now.
I Wedge myself up the corner of the bed with my laptop. Next thing I know Dr Kunaporn is shaking me awake saying what are you doing sleeping like that. It’s 9.30am and he wants to take out the drains from my breasts. I thought oh sugar this is going to hurt, but I did not feel a thing. He told me that with a nurse’s help I would be allowed to get out of bed to day and walk around. I was so grateful for that. To spend two days in bed I find the most unnatural thing on this earth. Not only was I incredibly bored but also I was so stiff. It felt like someone had put splints on all my limbs. I must have spent about 3 or 4 hours just walking up and down the room and out onto the balcony. At about noon Leanne and Kay come in from next-door and said that they were going for a walk down to the canteen, so I went with them. It was bliss. The rest of the day I spent between walking the room and trying to do gentle exercise. You cannot go to far as you have to keep yourself connected to the vacuum device for as long as possible to aid your healing ect. My mobile has run out of credit at the moment so I can only receive Text’s I cannot send. So Elsa go and put some credit on my phone. PLEASE!!!
Well it’s 7.15pm here [12.15pm gmt]. Leanne has lent me some DVD’s so I am going to have a look at them. There are loads of movies on the TV here but it is wall to sex and violence. Very gory stuff.
Well it’s 7.15pm here [12.15pm gmt]. Leanne has lent me some DVD’s so I am going to have a look at them. There are loads of movies on the TV here but it is wall to sex and violence. Very gory stuff.
Friday 12th January 2007. I have had the first good nights sleep since I have been in hospital. I only woke up once when my mobile phone rang for a text coming in. Then I went back to sleep. Woke about 6am. This morning I was determined to wash my self properly [the nurses are kindness itself, but they do not get to all those important little places do they]. I crave to get in the shower and just stand with hot water pouring all over me. One of the nurses came in with a sports bra for me to support my new boobs. It was a bit tight but better than the bandages. [They do not like you to wear a wired bra in the beginning as it can cause damage to your new boobs. After a few hours of wearing this bra I realised that it was for to tight and was starting to hurt my rib cage. S o as grateful as I was for the nurses concern I had to take it off. [Really at this stage one should note that I had e mailed Dr Kunaporn on a number of occasions over the past month to enquire about having Breast Augmentation with no replies I hasten to add. I therefore assumed that this was not going to happen. Consequently I had not come prepared with new bras ect. So you can see my problem].
I was told that I would be going back into surgery again first thing Saturday morning to have my packing changed. I was told that it would be totally painless as it would be under an epidural in the spine [They had put this in during my initial surgery, to stay there until my last surgery]. So no eating or drinking after midnight Friday. Most annoying I had to cancel my dinner date in down town Bangkok. Most inconsiderate.
Saturday 13th January 2007. The porter came for me at about 8.30am. It is only 5mins to the op room. They got me on the table again and prepared me for the anaesthetist. It was really funny this time as I was awake to see what was going on around me. The last thing they did before the anaesthetist came in was put the stirrup devises in place [like the ones they use when someone is going to give birth]. Well I am sorry but I could not control myself. I got a fit of the titters. The nurse said what was so funny. I told her that I thought that I was here to have my dressings changed not have a baby. As you can imagine she also went into fits of laughter. Well eventually the anaesthetist comes in and does his stuff. I go numb from the waist down and also it makes you very cold [well you know no pain no gain. Sorry but I had to get that in somewhere]. It took about 10/15 mins to change the packing. When Sanguan had finished he came to my end of the table and told me that he may have to delay the final skin graft, as the vaginal tissue was not granulating as quickly as he would have liked. But there would only be a delay of a day or two and not to worry. How can you possibly worry when you have a man such as this looking after you? Anyway back up to my room and bed rest till 1pm. The rest of the day is my own I decide to buck my ideas up a bit so I get dressed properly. A top and a skirt. It is the first time that I have been dressed with my new boobs. And yes I looked great. The best.
I really do feel good about myself today. Sanguan is good my friends are good life is good and my baby Sasha is also enjoying her little holiday with Liz & Sarah. What more could I want? Tonight I will sleep the best.
Sunday 14th January 2007. Wake up nice and early as usual. Make a coffee and wash & shave ect before the nurses come around. Today is going to be another good day. As it is Sunday I do not expect to see Sanguan today.But low and behold about 10.30am who should walk in? Sanguan himself. Brilliant!! I had to laugh to myself though he says let me have a look at your breasts. So I undo my top and he looks and hums and ah’s & then says that one has moved a little. So he proceeds to push and pummel my right tit to get it right. Well I ask you the first time a man asks to see my tits and all he can do is push and pummel. I am very disappointed LOL!! He also reminded me that I would be going for my final skin graft on Tuesday. I mentioned about the amount of granulation and he just smiled. I think that he has made his mine up that I will be having my final graft on Tuesday.
Went to see Leanne about 2.15pm. She is confined to bed after having her final skin graft. Told her that Sanguan had done his round [which of course she already knew, as he had also been to see her]. She said, “Well of course Sunday out here is not important, it is not a Christian country. I forgot didn’t I. Went back to room did some reading, watched the TV a bit. Decided that I would reorganise the room a bit. If I have to be confined to bed for two or three days [I hate being confined to bed. It makes me ach all over] after my skin graft then I want to have all my stuff around me within easy reach of the bed.
I was told that I would be going back into surgery again first thing Saturday morning to have my packing changed. I was told that it would be totally painless as it would be under an epidural in the spine [They had put this in during my initial surgery, to stay there until my last surgery]. So no eating or drinking after midnight Friday. Most annoying I had to cancel my dinner date in down town Bangkok. Most inconsiderate.
Saturday 13th January 2007. The porter came for me at about 8.30am. It is only 5mins to the op room. They got me on the table again and prepared me for the anaesthetist. It was really funny this time as I was awake to see what was going on around me. The last thing they did before the anaesthetist came in was put the stirrup devises in place [like the ones they use when someone is going to give birth]. Well I am sorry but I could not control myself. I got a fit of the titters. The nurse said what was so funny. I told her that I thought that I was here to have my dressings changed not have a baby. As you can imagine she also went into fits of laughter. Well eventually the anaesthetist comes in and does his stuff. I go numb from the waist down and also it makes you very cold [well you know no pain no gain. Sorry but I had to get that in somewhere]. It took about 10/15 mins to change the packing. When Sanguan had finished he came to my end of the table and told me that he may have to delay the final skin graft, as the vaginal tissue was not granulating as quickly as he would have liked. But there would only be a delay of a day or two and not to worry. How can you possibly worry when you have a man such as this looking after you? Anyway back up to my room and bed rest till 1pm. The rest of the day is my own I decide to buck my ideas up a bit so I get dressed properly. A top and a skirt. It is the first time that I have been dressed with my new boobs. And yes I looked great. The best.
I really do feel good about myself today. Sanguan is good my friends are good life is good and my baby Sasha is also enjoying her little holiday with Liz & Sarah. What more could I want? Tonight I will sleep the best.
Sunday 14th January 2007. Wake up nice and early as usual. Make a coffee and wash & shave ect before the nurses come around. Today is going to be another good day. As it is Sunday I do not expect to see Sanguan today.But low and behold about 10.30am who should walk in? Sanguan himself. Brilliant!! I had to laugh to myself though he says let me have a look at your breasts. So I undo my top and he looks and hums and ah’s & then says that one has moved a little. So he proceeds to push and pummel my right tit to get it right. Well I ask you the first time a man asks to see my tits and all he can do is push and pummel. I am very disappointed LOL!! He also reminded me that I would be going for my final skin graft on Tuesday. I mentioned about the amount of granulation and he just smiled. I think that he has made his mine up that I will be having my final graft on Tuesday.
Went to see Leanne about 2.15pm. She is confined to bed after having her final skin graft. Told her that Sanguan had done his round [which of course she already knew, as he had also been to see her]. She said, “Well of course Sunday out here is not important, it is not a Christian country. I forgot didn’t I. Went back to room did some reading, watched the TV a bit. Decided that I would reorganise the room a bit. If I have to be confined to bed for two or three days [I hate being confined to bed. It makes me ach all over] after my skin graft then I want to have all my stuff around me within easy reach of the bed.
I have noticed that there is not so much red blood coming through the suction pipe, it is more of a pale colour. I wonder if this is because it now healing correctly?
Monday 15th January 2007. Another nice early start to the day. Have a coffee and a wash ect. The nurse came in to check my blood pressure ect. When she came to clean my suction equipment she was obviously not a happy bunny. She took away the container and came back with the Staff Nurse. She told me that my urine was getting into the suction system because I was moving around to much. So today I have to stay in bed. Sanguan came on his rounds about 10.30am. He checked my boobs and said that I would have my stitches out today. I said about the suction problem and he said that it sometimes did happen, but I must not worry. There was no risk of infection. He said again that I would be going into surgery at 9am Tuesday for my final skin graft. Rest of the day was normal and uneventful. I did not think that I would sleep well tonight as I was so exited at having my final op in the morning. But sleep I did zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Tuesday 16th January 2007. well today’s the day. We shall call “Sanguan’s Finale.” They came and did my saline drip at 7.15am. The ported came to take me to theatre at 8.45am. Down the same old route. I could find my own way there by now. Went straight through to the operating room where the started to connect me up to the drips ect. The anaesthetist connected me up to his epidural stuff and proceeded to inject the stuff into the epidural tube. He started to tut and puff and blow [you know. When something won’t do as it is meant to do]. He rolled me over on my side and took all the sticky tape off the tubing. I think at that point he took the epidural out of my back [I only assume that, as I did not actually feel anything. At this point I am a little confused as I am not sure what is going on. I asked him if the epidural was working and he asked if I could feel my legs? Which I could. At the same time I notice that they have connected something up to my saline drip tube. Then the next thing I know I am waking up and it is all over. They wheeled me back to my room at 10.45am. They settled me down and I went back to sleep. I will be glad when Sanguan comes around and tells me how it went. One extra point. As any one who has read Dr Kunaporn’s clinic web site knows, the scrotal skin is harvested and preserved for use in the second procedure [Final skin graft] 7 days later. Well whilst all this epidural stuff that you have just been reading was going on I was able to observe a nurse off to one side working on my scrotal skin. It was so funny. The only way I can describe it was like you see in the old cowboy movies. You know when you see the Indians have stretched the animal skins over a frame to dry in the sun. Well my harvested skin was on a sort of wood block, stretched out with pins just like the animal pelts. And she was ever so delicately scraping the top layer of skin off. [I think the top layer is called the epidermis]. This top layer is the hair bearing layer where the hair follicle is situated. Thus removing the need for painful scrotal hair removal before and after surgery. Well it is 8pm on day one with my new anatomy. I still have not a clue what it looks like, as it is still packed and dressed. I don’t think Sanguan is coming around tonight, so no doubt I will see him in the morning.
Monday 15th January 2007. Another nice early start to the day. Have a coffee and a wash ect. The nurse came in to check my blood pressure ect. When she came to clean my suction equipment she was obviously not a happy bunny. She took away the container and came back with the Staff Nurse. She told me that my urine was getting into the suction system because I was moving around to much. So today I have to stay in bed. Sanguan came on his rounds about 10.30am. He checked my boobs and said that I would have my stitches out today. I said about the suction problem and he said that it sometimes did happen, but I must not worry. There was no risk of infection. He said again that I would be going into surgery at 9am Tuesday for my final skin graft. Rest of the day was normal and uneventful. I did not think that I would sleep well tonight as I was so exited at having my final op in the morning. But sleep I did zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Tuesday 16th January 2007. well today’s the day. We shall call “Sanguan’s Finale.” They came and did my saline drip at 7.15am. The ported came to take me to theatre at 8.45am. Down the same old route. I could find my own way there by now. Went straight through to the operating room where the started to connect me up to the drips ect. The anaesthetist connected me up to his epidural stuff and proceeded to inject the stuff into the epidural tube. He started to tut and puff and blow [you know. When something won’t do as it is meant to do]. He rolled me over on my side and took all the sticky tape off the tubing. I think at that point he took the epidural out of my back [I only assume that, as I did not actually feel anything. At this point I am a little confused as I am not sure what is going on. I asked him if the epidural was working and he asked if I could feel my legs? Which I could. At the same time I notice that they have connected something up to my saline drip tube. Then the next thing I know I am waking up and it is all over. They wheeled me back to my room at 10.45am. They settled me down and I went back to sleep. I will be glad when Sanguan comes around and tells me how it went. One extra point. As any one who has read Dr Kunaporn’s clinic web site knows, the scrotal skin is harvested and preserved for use in the second procedure [Final skin graft] 7 days later. Well whilst all this epidural stuff that you have just been reading was going on I was able to observe a nurse off to one side working on my scrotal skin. It was so funny. The only way I can describe it was like you see in the old cowboy movies. You know when you see the Indians have stretched the animal skins over a frame to dry in the sun. Well my harvested skin was on a sort of wood block, stretched out with pins just like the animal pelts. And she was ever so delicately scraping the top layer of skin off. [I think the top layer is called the epidermis]. This top layer is the hair bearing layer where the hair follicle is situated. Thus removing the need for painful scrotal hair removal before and after surgery. Well it is 8pm on day one with my new anatomy. I still have not a clue what it looks like, as it is still packed and dressed. I don’t think Sanguan is coming around tonight, so no doubt I will see him in the morning.
Wednesday 17th January 2007. Had a terrible nights sleep. The gave me a sleeping pill as they do every night but I was awake at 2am and did not go back to sleep again. I did think that Sanguan would be round in the morning, but it was not till about 4.45pm. Having said that the anaesthetist did come around to see how I was [I think his name is Dr Supo or something similar]. I did ask about this epidural thing, but he said that it had worked alright, but he decided to put me to sleep as well because I was so cold that I could not keep still with shaking. Apparently the final skin graft is so delicate that you have to keep very still. Dr Kunaporn had told him that unless he could keep me still he could not to his work. [Of course you do not pick up on these things as the are speaking Thai]. He was pleased with the area that the epidural had been. He said that it was nice and clean. The rest of the day was so boring. Just lying in bed. I hate the nights in this place. The night nursing staff are horrible. I don’t know whether I have upset them or they don’t like “Trans” people or whether they just do not like foreigners. Whatever it is they treat you like a bit of dirt. When you press the button to call a nurse they look at you as if you are being a right pest. By contrast the day staff are really good. They pop in and see if you are alright. I tell you what , in the three most important healing days of your whole stay in the hospital. When you are literally confined to bed. [Under no circumstances must you stand or walk at this point of your treatment.] You have to rely on the nursing staff for everything. Whether it to be changing your ice pack regularly or just opening and closing windows or turning lights on and off. You cannot do anything for yourself. As you can imagine everything is out of reach. I must also give praise where it is due. The non medical staff ie. The caterers [the little girls that deliver your meals]. The cleaning staff ect. They are fantastic. They can not do enough for you. The cleaners they come in and do there jobs whilst trying to talk to you. Then before they leave they always say “anything you want”? Anyway 4,45pm Dr Kunaporn pays a visit. He said that the skin graft went well with no problems. He checked both of my breasts, but was not happy with the right one. He said that there was a little fluid collecting in it, but not to worry he will drain it off. He got things organised. He gave me a local anaesthetic in the side of the boob just under my arm. [Just a little prick as they say]. Then he drew off the fluid with a syringe. There did not appear to be much to drain off. Then he put a bandage around the top of my bust the push the boobs down. I think that that has to stay on for a day or two. I did sleep well this night. I only woke up once about 4am and went straight back to sleep. I think that I am starting to get depressed about this night staff thing. I is really doing my head in. I am considering complaining to Dr Kunaporn. Problem is as is always in this sort of situation. The top man does not know what goes on when his back is turned. If I complain will it make matters worse?
Thursday 18th January 2007. One of the horrible nurses comes in at 6.15 to check my temp and blood pressure. I just stick my arm out of bed but keep my back to her. The staff nurse comes in and leaves a pill but says nothing. The first nurse comes back and attends to my urine bottle and vacuum equipment. That’s it. No good morning or by your leave. Well stuff them. I only have 4/5 more days left in here. When I get back home I will write a letter to DR Kunaporn naming and shaming those two nurses. They will not get away with it Scot free. I am bloody sure of that. On a lighter note the girl came in with my food about 7.30am. As always with a big smile on her face. She is ever so sweet. About 9am Dr Kunaporn comes in and checks me over. He says that all is good. He then just stands there and starts to chat to me about his philosophy on Transgendered people and how he thinks that everyone in life should be given the chance to live life the way they feel they should. It was quite mind blowing. On his way out the door he turns and says “oh by the tomorrow is D day”. A little later the cleaner comes in and says my I clean your room. [As is usual]. When she is nearly finished I tell her that her English is very good. Well we get talking as you do. She tells me that she wants have a nose job. She wants a nose like us western girls. It was quite funny because she points at my nose and says just like mine. [ and there’s me thinking mine is to wide. Just goes to show]. Then we move on to the Thai language. She starts to teach me some words and phrases. She says “you write them down”. So there I am writing frantically on the inside front cover of my paperback novel these words and phrases. CoooooooooL.
Thursday 18th January 2007. One of the horrible nurses comes in at 6.15 to check my temp and blood pressure. I just stick my arm out of bed but keep my back to her. The staff nurse comes in and leaves a pill but says nothing. The first nurse comes back and attends to my urine bottle and vacuum equipment. That’s it. No good morning or by your leave. Well stuff them. I only have 4/5 more days left in here. When I get back home I will write a letter to DR Kunaporn naming and shaming those two nurses. They will not get away with it Scot free. I am bloody sure of that. On a lighter note the girl came in with my food about 7.30am. As always with a big smile on her face. She is ever so sweet. About 9am Dr Kunaporn comes in and checks me over. He says that all is good. He then just stands there and starts to chat to me about his philosophy on Transgendered people and how he thinks that everyone in life should be given the chance to live life the way they feel they should. It was quite mind blowing. On his way out the door he turns and says “oh by the tomorrow is D day”. A little later the cleaner comes in and says my I clean your room. [As is usual]. When she is nearly finished I tell her that her English is very good. Well we get talking as you do. She tells me that she wants have a nose job. She wants a nose like us western girls. It was quite funny because she points at my nose and says just like mine. [ and there’s me thinking mine is to wide. Just goes to show]. Then we move on to the Thai language. She starts to teach me some words and phrases. She says “you write them down”. So there I am writing frantically on the inside front cover of my paperback novel these words and phrases. CoooooooooL.
The rest of the day is uneventful, except that Leanne from next door has been into visit and says that Poom the foreign coordinator has tried and failed to book her and her wife into the Metropole Hotel for the rest of there stay in Thailand. At this I immediately panicked. I was determined that I wanted to go back to the Metropole for the remainder of my stay. It is slap bang in the city centre of Phuket. When you look out of the lounge bar window you would think that you were in Piccadilly circus. A big roundabout with a monument in the middle all lit up at night. Easy to get anywhere from there. [The literature from Dr Kunaporn advises not to book your hotel for leaving hospital, as a date cannot be set for your discharge in advance.] So I come up with the idea of booking it ourselves over the internet. [as you all know sometimes you can have more success booking things over the internet than on the phone.] I booked myself successfully from Monday 22/1/07 to Saturday 27/1/07. Leanne has tied the same but has not as yet had confirmation. Had another good nights sleep.
Friday 19th January 2007. Uneventful day really. Except that Leanne and her wife are discharged and move to a temporary hotel just round the corner from the hospital. By the time they leave they have still not had confirmation from the Metropole. Rest of the day is really quiet. 5pm Chayapim my favourite nurse comes in and starts to bring in all the equipment that will be used for the removal of my dressing and packing. She also brings in all the equipment for my first dilation. Well folks this is it. THE GRAND UNVAILING! I am now just lying here waiting for Sanguan. I asked Chayapim if she would be helping Sanguan. She said she would. At this point I said to her that I did not want either of those two nurses that I hate to come near me. She thumbs and said ok.
Friday 19th January 2007. Uneventful day really. Except that Leanne and her wife are discharged and move to a temporary hotel just round the corner from the hospital. By the time they leave they have still not had confirmation from the Metropole. Rest of the day is really quiet. 5pm Chayapim my favourite nurse comes in and starts to bring in all the equipment that will be used for the removal of my dressing and packing. She also brings in all the equipment for my first dilation. Well folks this is it. THE GRAND UNVAILING! I am now just lying here waiting for Sanguan. I asked Chayapim if she would be helping Sanguan. She said she would. At this point I said to her that I did not want either of those two nurses that I hate to come near me. She thumbs and said ok.
It turns out that Sanguan can’t come tonight. He was called into the theatre for an emergency. I am disappointed but tomorrow is another day.
Saturday 20th January 2007. [day 12] Had a great nights sleep. Had early breakfast. Sanguan comes in at about 8.45am. Right he says lets get going. All the plaster dressings are taken off. Hurts a bit but not much. He takes out the Foleys catheter and the vacuum pipe. Neither hurt at all. Then we come to all the packing. I am thinking this is going to hurt big time. Once again surprise surprise no pain. Quite funny though. It was like watching a magic trick. You know when the magician keeps pulling the string or whatever out of the bag and its never ending. Everything just slid out easy. He gave me the mirror to look. Although it was very swollen and bruised I was pleased with what he had given me. He pointed out the different parts to me and told me what they were. Then with a silly grin on his face he gently touched me with his finger [I nearly went through the roof] and said that’s your clitorus. He then proceeded to show my how to dilate. We started with the number one size stent. He said that I had five and a half inches depth. That was fine by me. We tried number two and number three. He stopped there and said that’s enough for your first time, try and go a bit bigger this evening. He cleaned me up and finished. It was easy as that. He said not to dilate again until about 5/6pm. Also the rest of the day was mine I could come and go as I pleased. Even if I want to go out. Just don’t overdo it. All I wanted to do was get in the shower. Nearly two weeks without a shower is purgatory. I was smelly and hairy. YUK!! YUK!! Having a shower was almost as good as my new vagina. I actually felt human again. I had arranged to meet Leanne and Kay in the Café at 1.30pm. Then we decided to have a walk up the road to the supermarket. [I come thousands of miles to Thailand for GRS and my first time out of hospital I want to go to a supermarket. How sad is that? Like “get a life Becky!”] No really. I needed some panty liners. In the beginning you tend to leak a little. I had a real treat whilst there. They were making fresh ‘Sushi’ and if there is something in life I have a weakness for it is ‘Sushi’. With Soy and Wasabi. One of the nurses told me that there is a Japanese restaurant in the Festival Centre in Phuket called Fuji. I will have a look for it next week. The nurse arranged to come in and show me the dilation process again at 6.30pm. We went through the whole thing again, but this time we went up to number five. That though was very tight, so we did not try the six. I am a bit sore at the moment but not to bad. She said that I should do it again in the morning. I could try it on my own and buzz the nurse if I got into difficulty. So that is my first day with my new Neo-Vagina. I am really chuffed. I don’t think I will have any trouble sleeping tonight.
Saturday 20th January 2007. [day 12] Had a great nights sleep. Had early breakfast. Sanguan comes in at about 8.45am. Right he says lets get going. All the plaster dressings are taken off. Hurts a bit but not much. He takes out the Foleys catheter and the vacuum pipe. Neither hurt at all. Then we come to all the packing. I am thinking this is going to hurt big time. Once again surprise surprise no pain. Quite funny though. It was like watching a magic trick. You know when the magician keeps pulling the string or whatever out of the bag and its never ending. Everything just slid out easy. He gave me the mirror to look. Although it was very swollen and bruised I was pleased with what he had given me. He pointed out the different parts to me and told me what they were. Then with a silly grin on his face he gently touched me with his finger [I nearly went through the roof] and said that’s your clitorus. He then proceeded to show my how to dilate. We started with the number one size stent. He said that I had five and a half inches depth. That was fine by me. We tried number two and number three. He stopped there and said that’s enough for your first time, try and go a bit bigger this evening. He cleaned me up and finished. It was easy as that. He said not to dilate again until about 5/6pm. Also the rest of the day was mine I could come and go as I pleased. Even if I want to go out. Just don’t overdo it. All I wanted to do was get in the shower. Nearly two weeks without a shower is purgatory. I was smelly and hairy. YUK!! YUK!! Having a shower was almost as good as my new vagina. I actually felt human again. I had arranged to meet Leanne and Kay in the Café at 1.30pm. Then we decided to have a walk up the road to the supermarket. [I come thousands of miles to Thailand for GRS and my first time out of hospital I want to go to a supermarket. How sad is that? Like “get a life Becky!”] No really. I needed some panty liners. In the beginning you tend to leak a little. I had a real treat whilst there. They were making fresh ‘Sushi’ and if there is something in life I have a weakness for it is ‘Sushi’. With Soy and Wasabi. One of the nurses told me that there is a Japanese restaurant in the Festival Centre in Phuket called Fuji. I will have a look for it next week. The nurse arranged to come in and show me the dilation process again at 6.30pm. We went through the whole thing again, but this time we went up to number five. That though was very tight, so we did not try the six. I am a bit sore at the moment but not to bad. She said that I should do it again in the morning. I could try it on my own and buzz the nurse if I got into difficulty. So that is my first day with my new Neo-Vagina. I am really chuffed. I don’t think I will have any trouble sleeping tonight.
Sunday 21st January 2007. Set my alarm really early 5am. I may as well start getting into the routine for when I am back home and have to get up for work. Managed my dilation on my own, no problem at all. I did not go up to size five this time because I was really sore after yesterday. I thought that perhaps I was trying to go to far to soon. So today I am only going up to size four. Sanguearly an came into check me at about 9.30am. He said he was pleased. He also said that I could now go back on my hormone dosage as I was before. Dilated again at about 11am. Had lunch. I have a pass out again. So I go for a walk up to “Big C” again. More just to get out for a walk than anything. Exercise and fresh air. It is very hot indeed. I don’t know what the temperature actually is but it is very high. I would have thought top 90’s. Rest of the day just normal. Another dilation and to bed.
Monday 22nd January 2007. Woke at 5am to do my Dilation. It was a bit easier this morning. Not quite so sore. I got at far as number five this morning and left it in for 15minutes as instructed. I did try number six as well. It did actually go in but it was far to tight and I was afraid that I might split something. So I took it out straight away. Sanguan later advised me that it was to soon for number six, I should leave that one for a week or two. But at least I now know that it will go in. Had breakfast ect and Sanguan came round about 8.30am. He said that the nurse had told him that I would like to be discharged today. He examined me and checked that I was having no problems with the dilation. He was satisfied that I could now cope on my own. But if there was a problem during the rest of my stay in Phuket then I was to phone or contact him. He gave me an appointment for Thursday 25th January 2007 to have my stitches out. I joked with him that I hoped he was not going to spoil his good reputation for painless treatment when he took out the stitches. He just laughed and said we’ll see. Well that’s it for now. I have been to see Poom The coordinator. She has printed up my paperwork that confirms that I have successfully undergone Gender Reassignment Surgery. I am checking out of Phuket International Hospital at 1.30pm local time. [6.30am gmt]. I will be off the internet for most of the time until I get home. Although I will try and get on line when I come for my appointment at 8.30am on Thursday morning. I shall try and update my blog at that time and download any
emails ect. That will then be it till I get home.
emails ect. That will then be it till I get home.
Got to the Metropole about 2pm. Leanne and Kim happened to be sat in reception when I walked in to register, That was nice. The receptionist told me [after he had registered my prepaid booking] that because they were fully booked he had to put me into a suit, instead of a single room. WOW Successful GRS surgery, great boobs and now I have a suit of rooms. Listen I tell you. Anybody that knows me, knows I am a terrible snob. So to have a suit of rooms. WOW. So what have I got? A bedroom, a bathroom and! And! a lounge. Brill. I am just going to have to entertain more I can see that now. LOL. Arranged to meet Leanne & Kay for dinner at 6.30pm. In the meantime I go for a walk down one of the roads towards the bay area. Leanne said that there was some good shopping in that area. So of we plod. Pretty grotty area, but there is a department store at the bottom of the street call Robertson. Have a wander around. The ground floor is like any indoor market anywhere in the world. On the 1st/2nd/3rd floors it is cosmetics and fashion. A bit like a down market Rackams in B’rum. Bought myself a skirt at 20% off. Home from home. Went back to hotel. Unpacked, and washed ect. Met Leanne & Kay in the lobby. I told them that I had seen a restaurant/café on my walk . So we decided to give it a try. I had a glass of wine. Supposed to be dry white, But I think they saw me coming and got out that bottle that they have never been able to sell. It was like drinking cold out of date dry sherry that had been exported for cooking. Yuck! The meal was good I had pork with ginger and pepper and steamed rice & also some sort of spicy soup with prawns and lemon grass and little half balls of meat. Absolutely beautiful. The balls of meat where so tender that I started to think that perhaps it was a soft vegetable, not meat at all. Any way it was all lovely. Had a bit of a walk afterwards and bought a few bit and bobs on the markets. Back to the hotel a night cap or two and to bed. All in all a good day.
Tuesday 23rd Jan 2007. Up early again to day. Dilate and then breakfast at 7am. Have to make the most of the time I have left. Only 4 & 1/2 days. Its also nice and cool early in the morning and I wanted to walk to Phuket Bay this morning. I estimated about 3/4 hr brisk walk. I have had no exercise for two weeks so it will do me good. I wasn’t far out it took me about 40 mins. It was worth it. It was very pretty. But you always get one downside don’t you. You are forever pestered by Motor Cycle taxis. They are all legit, but they are a pain in the ass. Every two minutes they call “Madam! Madam!”. You feel like giving them the one finger salute. But you smile and say no thank you. Got back to the hotel about 11.30am. Had a soda & iced hazelnut coffee. Went to my room to dilate and then to the hotel pool to sunbathe. Was going to have a swim but there were two many people about and I was going to have to take my hat off. [bald head had you forgotten.] When I say hat I mean a cap. I bought a green woollen cap in B’ham before I left home. A bit cooler then the wig. Anyway I just sunbathed. Flashing my new boobs in my new bikini. New boobs and nothing to tuck away. Not bad for an old’un. To digress I decide to read my book called “The Blue Hour” and I get to a bit where an American police woman is saying about a convicted sex killer “If I have to spend another two minutes with that ... ... ... then I am going to draw my Chinese Italian stiletto, and cut off his gonad-sized head”. Gonad where have I heard that word recently. Then it comes rushing back to me the soup I had in the restaurant/café last night, that was called something ending in “gonad”. It dawns on my what those tender bits of meat were. Something’s testicles. They tasted great, They were quite obviously fresh. So fresh in fact they could almost have been mine. LOL. Back to my room get changed and out again. This time in the opposite direction. I am looking for the “Phuket shopping Centre” and the “Creative Tailoring & Silk Centre” . I have it in my mind that if I can see something that catches my eye then perhaps I will have something made to bring home. Well I am not going to say any more, except that I did find something I liked and am having it made up in silk. Enough said till I get home. I have to go back on Thursday for a fitting. Anyway back to hotel again. Iced coffee. Try the pool again. It is very quiet. Great I have a really good swim [first time in about 3 or 4 years] and a read. Back to room and dilate. Go out for evening meal about 7.30pm. I am on my own tonight. I am afraid that at 72 years Leanne is no longer able to have all these late nights. I dine in the Chinese restaurant in the hotel. Fantastic meal. It is very quite mid week so I get all the staff attention. The manager serves me himself. He makes a few recommendations that I go with & I choose a bottle of Italian wine. [I have come to the conclusion that you don’t drink wine in Thailand. They have not got a clue]. I shall have gin & tonic from now on. Service is brilliant, I finish with a coffee and ask for the cork for the bottle of wine, which they had kept. I had only drunk half the bottle so up to room with it. I ask the manager if it is alright to take the glass as well. Yes that’s alright he says, what is your room number? He then call a waiter and says he will take me back to my room and carry my wine & glass. So there I am in a lift with this rather scrumsious waiter who is carrying my wine and glass to my room. I wish I was a bit younger!!!!!!!!!! Opens my door he puts the wine and glass on the coffee table and smiles [as only Thai’s can smile]and says “goodnight madam”. So I get the computer out and write about it as I drink the rest of the wine.
Wednesday 24th January 2007. Up early again . Dilate and breakfast. So incredibly boring. [but like I said earlier “ if you don’t use it you will lose it”]. Have run out of credit on my phone again [Sorry sally. I can’t reply]. Went to reception and used the public computer there to send Elsa an e-mail. Hopefully she will top me up. The three of us decide to hire a taxi for the day to tour the island. [Bahts 1200 = £18.60 aprox. For 6hours hire.] We do the Zoo. Chandra temple, a pearl farm, and a butterfly conservation centre. He also took us general site seeing to the local beauty spots. Absolutely fantastic. I am certainly coming back here. We told Alan [that’s his nickname. Real name: Krit Niyomkitjakara] we wanted to also stop for a meal. He suggested that we do it as the last call before finishing as it would save us having to buy an evening meal. [Good thinking Batman]. He asked us if we all liked seafood? Which we did. He drove down this rough country track [all pot holes] until it opened out onto the sea. We got out of the car to be greeted by a waiter who directed us to the fish pools where we chose the fish that we were going to eat. We had a Kg of the biggest king prawns I have ever seen, to be divided into two. Half of then were going to be cooked naturally over a barbeque and the other half was going to be cooked with garlic and ginger and butter and other spices. We also chose a Groper fish that was going to be cooked in oil and sweet chilli and other things. [the nice thing about this place is that they tell how they will cook whatever you choose]. We also had some steamed rice and vegetables. When they brought it to the table the male waiter stood over us with a fan to keep the fly’s away, whilst the two waitresses opened up all the prawns. We had various dipping sauces for the prawns. Then the waitress brought t We are coming back on Friday evening he groper fish and proceeded to dissect it and share it out between us. It has got to be one of the best meals I have ever had. After it was all finished the waiter came back with a bowl of liquid to rinse your fingers. He then proceeded to dry our hands for us. All that for Bahts 3000 [About £15 a head including beer]. Do I need to say any more. We are coming back on Friday evening for a slap up meal as it is my last night here.[I fly home on Saturday] Everybody dresses down here even at night, but Friday night I am going to wear the one cocktail dress that I brought with me. I will be over dressed but I don’t care. Got back to the hotel about 5pm. Changed and went to the swimming pool. Had a couple of G&T’s in the lounge and went to bed. Another good day.
Thursday 25th January 2007. Up and dilate early again. I have an appointment with Sanguan at the hospital outpatient department to day at 10am. I shall take the Laptop with me to try and upload the new, updated material for my blog. Also to read and send any e-mails. Elsa has text to say that she will try and get some more credit for my phone today. Then I will be up and running again. Went to the hospital. Sanguan took out my stitches and did an internal to see that I was healing correctly. He said that one little patch of skin graft on the outside was healing but it was a little slow. I was not to worry as not all skin healed at the same rate. He also checked my new breasts again and was totally satisfied, as I am. He gave me a big hug and said it had been a pleasure to meet me and I was an excellent patient. Left the surgery and tried to connect to the internet, but I think that they had changed the password. It would just not happen. So I cannot upload all this new blog till I get home. Went back to hotel and washed and changed. Alan the driver was picking us up at 1pm. We are going to go to a wildlife park, a Gibbon Rehabilitation centre and a natural beauty spot where there is a water fall up in the mountains. The whole day was fantastic. The Gibbons are so pretty. There was one in particular that liked to be talked to. You could coax him right up to the fencing on the cages and he would tilt his head to one side as you spoke softly to him. You are told not to make any sudden moves or noises as these Gibbons have been mistreated in captivity and they are trying to prepare them for the wild. Although this Gibbon has been mistreated it is extremely friendly. In the evening went to a Japanese come Thai come Chinese come Vietnamese restaurant. Nearest comparison is the Big Wok. But this is enormous. You can eat almost anything and as many times as you like. All for Bahts 356 [under £5]. They have more types of Sushi than you can imagine. They have a Teppanyaki counter, where you choose the food you want cooked put it all on a plate and attach your table number to the plate. You go back to your table and the waiter brings it when it is cooked. Fantastic. Back to the hotel. Drinks in the bar [Alan joined us. Don’t know what his game is. He is very very attentive to me but he has not made a move yet. He is very dishy. But now is not a good time, so I hope he is just being nice.] Went back to room and had a good soak in the bath. Tomorrow night is my last night out in Phuket so as I said earlier we are going back to the fresh fish restaurant overlooking the beach. So an early night I think.
Friday 26th January 2007. Same routine up early ect. Staying in Phuket town today to finish any last minute shopping. Leanne and Kay came with me. Went back to hotel to leave our shopping in the rooms and meeting up again to go for lunch. When I came down to reception only Leanne was there waiting. I asked where Kay was and she said that she had had enough for one day. So the two of us took a walk up the road. Got into this café. Ordered something to eat and a drink, then Leanne commenced to surf on the internet [all these places have internet points that you can buy for bahts 30 for 30 minutes] downloading her e-mails and printing them. I sat on my own for the 30 minutes had my soup and my main course. So we go for this meal. I decided to wear my black cocktail dress. The food if absolutely fabulous again. Not to bad a night considering. Anyway get back to my room about 9.30pm. Dilate and a soak in the bath and to bed.
Saturday 27th January 2007. Up and at them early again. Did not dilate this morning as I felt that it might be to uncomfortable with the travelling back to the UK for about 20 something hours. I will just have to double up when I get home. Went out at about 10am. I thought that I would just pop to the café around the corner from the hotel. I took my book with me to literally waste a couple of hours. I had only been in there for about 30 mins when who should walk in but Leanne and Kay. So they joined me for coffee. We then walked back to the hotel as Leanne wanted to use the scales in my room. I took my cases up to there room to store for me. Leanne & I then went for a stroll around for a few hours. We stopped for some lunch which she paid for. I then suggested that she go up to her room and play with her toys as she likes to call her dilation. I went into the lounge bar to have a coffee and waste a few more hours. I made my way up to there room at 4pm. Had a wash and shave and redid my makeup for the journey home. Alan picked my up at 5pm and took to the airport. The flight was delayed by one hour. Bit of a pain but I knew that I was going to have to wait for my connection in Bangkok for about three hours. So I was not unduly concerned. We actually made Bangkok in record time [exactly one hour. I should take one and a half hours]. Now answer just one simple question. I anybody is going to get lost at an airport Who do you now that can get lost at one of the most well singe posted airports in the world? Yes you have guessed it the one and only me. I don’t know what went wrong but I ended up on the wrong side of the terminal. God only knows where I was going. The thing is Bangkok airport is like a city all on its own . But after asking some of the staff I managed to get back on track again. It turned out that I was totally on the wrong level in the first place. But alls well that ends well. I boarded the flight to Amsterdam on time, but we were about 30 mins late taking off. The flight was good. I was sat next to a Danish lad who had been on a charity type holiday to northern Thailand. He was a really nice lad even though he was twice as large as the average person. I was also a clarinettist that composed his own music. With all the proceeds going to this charity that he supported. I think that the only bad point about the flight was that is was quite cold. We were about 30 mins late taking off from Bangkok. But we made the time up whilst in the air. Apparently we had a tail wind. We landed at Schipol, Amsterdam airport at 6.05am. [11&1/2 hours] I did manage to sleep for about half the time. I had ordered the low fat food, so consequently I got served my dinner and breakfast before everyone else. The dinner in the evening was a vegetable mixture in a sauce. Also fruit. My breakfast was Two lovely pieces of fillet steak and vegetables and then fruit and yoghurt. It was quite funny really. You know when you are on a plane or somewhere and you see someone having a meal that you are not having, and you wish that you were having the same as them. Well I was the one with the steak that everyone else wanted. I did not get lost a Schipol airport. I managed to straight to where I was supposed to be. Well that’s nearly it now. One more short flight [aprox 1Hour 15 mins so the information board says] and I will be back in dear old B’rum, and my little adventure is nearly over, having arrived at the place in life that I was meant to be.
Tuesday 23rd Jan 2007. Up early again to day. Dilate and then breakfast at 7am. Have to make the most of the time I have left. Only 4 & 1/2 days. Its also nice and cool early in the morning and I wanted to walk to Phuket Bay this morning. I estimated about 3/4 hr brisk walk. I have had no exercise for two weeks so it will do me good. I wasn’t far out it took me about 40 mins. It was worth it. It was very pretty. But you always get one downside don’t you. You are forever pestered by Motor Cycle taxis. They are all legit, but they are a pain in the ass. Every two minutes they call “Madam! Madam!”. You feel like giving them the one finger salute. But you smile and say no thank you. Got back to the hotel about 11.30am. Had a soda & iced hazelnut coffee. Went to my room to dilate and then to the hotel pool to sunbathe. Was going to have a swim but there were two many people about and I was going to have to take my hat off. [bald head had you forgotten.] When I say hat I mean a cap. I bought a green woollen cap in B’ham before I left home. A bit cooler then the wig. Anyway I just sunbathed. Flashing my new boobs in my new bikini. New boobs and nothing to tuck away. Not bad for an old’un. To digress I decide to read my book called “The Blue Hour” and I get to a bit where an American police woman is saying about a convicted sex killer “If I have to spend another two minutes with that ... ... ... then I am going to draw my Chinese Italian stiletto, and cut off his gonad-sized head”. Gonad where have I heard that word recently. Then it comes rushing back to me the soup I had in the restaurant/café last night, that was called something ending in “gonad”. It dawns on my what those tender bits of meat were. Something’s testicles. They tasted great, They were quite obviously fresh. So fresh in fact they could almost have been mine. LOL. Back to my room get changed and out again. This time in the opposite direction. I am looking for the “Phuket shopping Centre” and the “Creative Tailoring & Silk Centre” . I have it in my mind that if I can see something that catches my eye then perhaps I will have something made to bring home. Well I am not going to say any more, except that I did find something I liked and am having it made up in silk. Enough said till I get home. I have to go back on Thursday for a fitting. Anyway back to hotel again. Iced coffee. Try the pool again. It is very quiet. Great I have a really good swim [first time in about 3 or 4 years] and a read. Back to room and dilate. Go out for evening meal about 7.30pm. I am on my own tonight. I am afraid that at 72 years Leanne is no longer able to have all these late nights. I dine in the Chinese restaurant in the hotel. Fantastic meal. It is very quite mid week so I get all the staff attention. The manager serves me himself. He makes a few recommendations that I go with & I choose a bottle of Italian wine. [I have come to the conclusion that you don’t drink wine in Thailand. They have not got a clue]. I shall have gin & tonic from now on. Service is brilliant, I finish with a coffee and ask for the cork for the bottle of wine, which they had kept. I had only drunk half the bottle so up to room with it. I ask the manager if it is alright to take the glass as well. Yes that’s alright he says, what is your room number? He then call a waiter and says he will take me back to my room and carry my wine & glass. So there I am in a lift with this rather scrumsious waiter who is carrying my wine and glass to my room. I wish I was a bit younger!!!!!!!!!! Opens my door he puts the wine and glass on the coffee table and smiles [as only Thai’s can smile]and says “goodnight madam”. So I get the computer out and write about it as I drink the rest of the wine.
Wednesday 24th January 2007. Up early again . Dilate and breakfast. So incredibly boring. [but like I said earlier “ if you don’t use it you will lose it”]. Have run out of credit on my phone again [Sorry sally. I can’t reply]. Went to reception and used the public computer there to send Elsa an e-mail. Hopefully she will top me up. The three of us decide to hire a taxi for the day to tour the island. [Bahts 1200 = £18.60 aprox. For 6hours hire.] We do the Zoo. Chandra temple, a pearl farm, and a butterfly conservation centre. He also took us general site seeing to the local beauty spots. Absolutely fantastic. I am certainly coming back here. We told Alan [that’s his nickname. Real name: Krit Niyomkitjakara] we wanted to also stop for a meal. He suggested that we do it as the last call before finishing as it would save us having to buy an evening meal. [Good thinking Batman]. He asked us if we all liked seafood? Which we did. He drove down this rough country track [all pot holes] until it opened out onto the sea. We got out of the car to be greeted by a waiter who directed us to the fish pools where we chose the fish that we were going to eat. We had a Kg of the biggest king prawns I have ever seen, to be divided into two. Half of then were going to be cooked naturally over a barbeque and the other half was going to be cooked with garlic and ginger and butter and other spices. We also chose a Groper fish that was going to be cooked in oil and sweet chilli and other things. [the nice thing about this place is that they tell how they will cook whatever you choose]. We also had some steamed rice and vegetables. When they brought it to the table the male waiter stood over us with a fan to keep the fly’s away, whilst the two waitresses opened up all the prawns. We had various dipping sauces for the prawns. Then the waitress brought t We are coming back on Friday evening he groper fish and proceeded to dissect it and share it out between us. It has got to be one of the best meals I have ever had. After it was all finished the waiter came back with a bowl of liquid to rinse your fingers. He then proceeded to dry our hands for us. All that for Bahts 3000 [About £15 a head including beer]. Do I need to say any more. We are coming back on Friday evening for a slap up meal as it is my last night here.[I fly home on Saturday] Everybody dresses down here even at night, but Friday night I am going to wear the one cocktail dress that I brought with me. I will be over dressed but I don’t care. Got back to the hotel about 5pm. Changed and went to the swimming pool. Had a couple of G&T’s in the lounge and went to bed. Another good day.
Thursday 25th January 2007. Up and dilate early again. I have an appointment with Sanguan at the hospital outpatient department to day at 10am. I shall take the Laptop with me to try and upload the new, updated material for my blog. Also to read and send any e-mails. Elsa has text to say that she will try and get some more credit for my phone today. Then I will be up and running again. Went to the hospital. Sanguan took out my stitches and did an internal to see that I was healing correctly. He said that one little patch of skin graft on the outside was healing but it was a little slow. I was not to worry as not all skin healed at the same rate. He also checked my new breasts again and was totally satisfied, as I am. He gave me a big hug and said it had been a pleasure to meet me and I was an excellent patient. Left the surgery and tried to connect to the internet, but I think that they had changed the password. It would just not happen. So I cannot upload all this new blog till I get home. Went back to hotel and washed and changed. Alan the driver was picking us up at 1pm. We are going to go to a wildlife park, a Gibbon Rehabilitation centre and a natural beauty spot where there is a water fall up in the mountains. The whole day was fantastic. The Gibbons are so pretty. There was one in particular that liked to be talked to. You could coax him right up to the fencing on the cages and he would tilt his head to one side as you spoke softly to him. You are told not to make any sudden moves or noises as these Gibbons have been mistreated in captivity and they are trying to prepare them for the wild. Although this Gibbon has been mistreated it is extremely friendly. In the evening went to a Japanese come Thai come Chinese come Vietnamese restaurant. Nearest comparison is the Big Wok. But this is enormous. You can eat almost anything and as many times as you like. All for Bahts 356 [under £5]. They have more types of Sushi than you can imagine. They have a Teppanyaki counter, where you choose the food you want cooked put it all on a plate and attach your table number to the plate. You go back to your table and the waiter brings it when it is cooked. Fantastic. Back to the hotel. Drinks in the bar [Alan joined us. Don’t know what his game is. He is very very attentive to me but he has not made a move yet. He is very dishy. But now is not a good time, so I hope he is just being nice.] Went back to room and had a good soak in the bath. Tomorrow night is my last night out in Phuket so as I said earlier we are going back to the fresh fish restaurant overlooking the beach. So an early night I think.
Friday 26th January 2007. Same routine up early ect. Staying in Phuket town today to finish any last minute shopping. Leanne and Kay came with me. Went back to hotel to leave our shopping in the rooms and meeting up again to go for lunch. When I came down to reception only Leanne was there waiting. I asked where Kay was and she said that she had had enough for one day. So the two of us took a walk up the road. Got into this café. Ordered something to eat and a drink, then Leanne commenced to surf on the internet [all these places have internet points that you can buy for bahts 30 for 30 minutes] downloading her e-mails and printing them. I sat on my own for the 30 minutes had my soup and my main course. So we go for this meal. I decided to wear my black cocktail dress. The food if absolutely fabulous again. Not to bad a night considering. Anyway get back to my room about 9.30pm. Dilate and a soak in the bath and to bed.
Saturday 27th January 2007. Up and at them early again. Did not dilate this morning as I felt that it might be to uncomfortable with the travelling back to the UK for about 20 something hours. I will just have to double up when I get home. Went out at about 10am. I thought that I would just pop to the café around the corner from the hotel. I took my book with me to literally waste a couple of hours. I had only been in there for about 30 mins when who should walk in but Leanne and Kay. So they joined me for coffee. We then walked back to the hotel as Leanne wanted to use the scales in my room. I took my cases up to there room to store for me. Leanne & I then went for a stroll around for a few hours. We stopped for some lunch which she paid for. I then suggested that she go up to her room and play with her toys as she likes to call her dilation. I went into the lounge bar to have a coffee and waste a few more hours. I made my way up to there room at 4pm. Had a wash and shave and redid my makeup for the journey home. Alan picked my up at 5pm and took to the airport. The flight was delayed by one hour. Bit of a pain but I knew that I was going to have to wait for my connection in Bangkok for about three hours. So I was not unduly concerned. We actually made Bangkok in record time [exactly one hour. I should take one and a half hours]. Now answer just one simple question. I anybody is going to get lost at an airport Who do you now that can get lost at one of the most well singe posted airports in the world? Yes you have guessed it the one and only me. I don’t know what went wrong but I ended up on the wrong side of the terminal. God only knows where I was going. The thing is Bangkok airport is like a city all on its own . But after asking some of the staff I managed to get back on track again. It turned out that I was totally on the wrong level in the first place. But alls well that ends well. I boarded the flight to Amsterdam on time, but we were about 30 mins late taking off. The flight was good. I was sat next to a Danish lad who had been on a charity type holiday to northern Thailand. He was a really nice lad even though he was twice as large as the average person. I was also a clarinettist that composed his own music. With all the proceeds going to this charity that he supported. I think that the only bad point about the flight was that is was quite cold. We were about 30 mins late taking off from Bangkok. But we made the time up whilst in the air. Apparently we had a tail wind. We landed at Schipol, Amsterdam airport at 6.05am. [11&1/2 hours] I did manage to sleep for about half the time. I had ordered the low fat food, so consequently I got served my dinner and breakfast before everyone else. The dinner in the evening was a vegetable mixture in a sauce. Also fruit. My breakfast was Two lovely pieces of fillet steak and vegetables and then fruit and yoghurt. It was quite funny really. You know when you are on a plane or somewhere and you see someone having a meal that you are not having, and you wish that you were having the same as them. Well I was the one with the steak that everyone else wanted. I did not get lost a Schipol airport. I managed to straight to where I was supposed to be. Well that’s nearly it now. One more short flight [aprox 1Hour 15 mins so the information board says] and I will be back in dear old B’rum, and my little adventure is nearly over, having arrived at the place in life that I was meant to be.
TO BE CONTINUED!
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posted by Becky at 1:00 pm
93 Comments:
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